IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#phone #years #business #phones #forms
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT THE CONSTANT RISE IN THE USE OF MOBILE PHONES RECENTLY HAS CHANGED THE WAY OF LIFE OF PEOPLE,
HOWEVER
Linking Words
THIS
Linking Words
 COMES WITH SOME DEFECTS. IN MY OPINION, THE PROS EXCEED THE CONS OF MOBILLE PHONE UTILIZATION. ADMITTEDLY, THE DRAWBACKS OF
THIS
Linking Words
 OBSESSION WITH MOBILE DEVICES ARE GREAT. IT HAS RUINED A NUMBER OF FAMILIES AND DIVIDED FRIENDSHIPS, BECAUSE PEOPLE SPEND MORE TIME ON THEIR PHONES AND NEGLECT THE IMPORTANT MATTERS. ANOTHER WEAKNESS IS HOW THESE ELECTRONIC DEVICES CAUSE INJURIES AND EVEN DEATH IN SOME CASES. JUST
LAST
Linking Words
 WEEK A FRIEND OF MINE WAS DIAGNOSED OF AND EAR CONDITION
AS A RESULT
Linking Words
 OF HIS EXCESSIVE USE OF HEAD PHONES.
IN ADDITION
Linking Words
, THE RAT RACE OF ALWAYS TRYING TO PURCHASE THE LATEST DEVICE, HAS LED TO DEPRESSION FOR SOME PEOPLE AND FINANCIAL BANKRUPTCY FOR OTHERS.
ON THE OTHER HAND
Linking Words
, A NUMBER OF SMALL SCALE BUSINESSE HAS GROWN ON THE WINGS OF MOBILE PHONE TECHNOLOGY. SINCE THE EMERGENCE OF SOCIAL MEDIA AND ONLINE TRADING, MANY PEOPLE NO LONGER WORRY ABOUT RENTING STORES ANYMORE.
FOR EXAMPLE
Linking Words
, AMAZON DOES NOT HAVE A PHYSICAL STORE BUT IT IS ONE OF THE LARGEST MAARKET IN THE WORLD. ANOTHER GOOD SIDE TO
THIS
Linking Words
 COIN IS HOW EASY IT HAS MADE COMMUNICATION ACROSS THE WORLD. YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO WAIT FOR WEEKS TO HAVE YOUR LETTERS REPLIED, YOU CAN SEND MESSAGES BACK AND FORTH IN FEW MINUTES.
ALSO
Linking Words
, IT HAS TREMEDIOUSLY IMPROVED THE EDUCATIONAL SECTOR. VIRTUALLY EVERY INFORMATION YOU NEED ON ANY SUBJECT MATTER CAN BE FOUND USING YOUR MOBILE DEVICE. IN CONCLUSION, WHILE OPINIONS MAY VARY, I BELIEVE THAT THE BENEFITS OF MOBILE PHONES IN VARIOUS AREAS ARE OF GREAT VALUES AND THE WEAKNESSES SHOULD BE MANAGED TO REDUCE CASUALTIES.
Submitted by pahm4c on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • over-reliance
  • cyberbullying
  • screen time
  • data privacy
  • identity theft
  • financial fraud
  • eye strain
  • sleep disorders
  • chronic issues
  • productivity
  • notifications
  • validation
  • self-esteem
What to do next:
Look at other essays: