IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic.

#people #measures #epidemic
It is fact that numerous of masses are overweight as
compare
Suggestion
compared
 to the past. In my opinion,
this
 is happening owing to the lack of exercises and unhealthy
food
 choices.
However
,
although
 overweight is
big issue
Suggestion
a big issue
of
Suggestion
in
 today's society but it can be solved by aware the people about healthy lifestyle as well as
importance
Suggestion
the importance
 of body workout. Discussing the reasons, the most common one is unhealthy
food
.
This
 is because nowadays people are leading busy schedules, both the
genders
Suggestion
gender
 male female are the employees since they have not enough time for preparing
food
 at home for themselves.
Therefore
, tend to eat
readymade
made for purchase and immediate use
ready-made
ready made
 meals including junk
food
 which is unhealthy for them as they intake exceed levels of calories.
For example
, 85% working people of India order the prepared
food
 for themselves. The other cause is
low level
Suggestion
the low level
a low level
 of exercises.
In other words
, folks nowadays after their jobs like to rest and spend time on technological gadgets
hence
, they
not give
Suggestion
don't give
aren't giving
 importance to
exercises
Suggestion
exercise
 even they do not do walking. There some several steps which can be taken to tackle
this
 problem.
Firstly
, governments should create some
advertisements
Suggestion
advertisement
compaign
a race between candidates for elective office
campaign
campaigns
 regarding
nutrients
Suggestion
nutrient
 values of
food
 and impact of junk
food
 on once health.
This
 will make mortals understand about the calories they intake in their everyday life which lead to the problem of overweight.
Ultimately people
Accept comma addition
Ultimately, people
 will control on eating junk foods.
Secondly
, masses should
also
awared
(sometimes followed by 'of') having or showing knowledge or understanding or realization or perception
aware
 about the importance of exercises.
However
, gyms and stadiums should be provided the sake of people's health by the higher authorities. In conclusion, it is clear that today's more folks are victim of obesity due to the
unhealth
not in or exhibiting good health in body or mind
unhealthy
 diet and lack of exercises. But
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 think
this
 problem can be solved by aware the people.
Submitted by paramsandhu9876 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: