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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, most people prefer to rent their homes rather than buying them.what are some of the advantages and disadvantages of renting homes ?

#countries #people #rent #homes
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These days, it is important that
people
's ideas about everything have been changing and they choose things;
in contrast
, in the past, they did not like them.
For instance
, having a home is one of these things because now in some countries,
people
 prefer to rent
houses
instead
 of buying them;
however
, in the past, most
people
 had their own place to live.
while
 there are some benefits of renting a home, I still believe that these cannot overshadow the drawbacks. On the one hand,
this
 subject like other things has several merits.
Firstly
, when you do not have a
house
 you can experiment live in different not only districts but
also
,
house
 designs in the city in which you live.
Secondly
, when you are a businessman, it is crucial that you spend
money
 on enhancing your business not in
houses
.
Thirdly
, if you do not own, you do not think about both being injured and fixing your accommodations.
On the other hand
, the demerits of renting a
house
 are various. On the one side,
people
 who do not have
houses
 must look for residential places where want to live every time. On the other sides, inhabitants who do not have a
house
 have to spend a
lot
 of
money
 on rent ;
nevertheless
, they do not have enough
money
 to have their own place. To illustrate, Today, unfortunately, the economy of Iran is so bad;
additionally
, the prices of
houses
 are too high;
as a result
, communities who live in Iran cannot buy
houses
 and they have to spend a
lot
 of
money
 on rent.
To sum up
, renting a
lot
 of
houses
 for a living has a
lot
 of good points;
although
, the disadvantages can eclipse the advantages inasmuch as
people
 who do have not a
house
 to live in should spend a
lot
 of not only
money
 but
also
 time.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is very important for coherence. However, the logical flow of your ideas could be improved. Try to connect your points more smoothly by using more transitional phrases and linking words. This will help your essay read more naturally.
task achievement
Make sure to support your main points with more detailed examples. While you have provided some examples, such as the economic situation in Iran, additional specific examples would strengthen your argument. This will demonstrate a fuller engagement with the task and make your points more convincing.
task achievement
Your essay covers the main points of the topic well but could benefit from a little more depth. Consider expanding your points further to provide a more comprehensive response to the essay question.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the essay prompt directly and provides a clear response to the question. You have managed to present both advantages and disadvantages, which fulfills the task requirements well.
coherence cohesion
You have ended your essay with a conclusion that summarizes your main points effectively, which is crucial for a good essay structure.
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