IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Taking care of children is probably one of the most important jobs of society and parents should be forced to take training courses showing them how to do so. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#care #children #jobs #society #parents #courses
Taking care of children has been very important to the society. It is claimed that all mothers and fathers should be required to take the
childcare
 training courses. In my perspective, I tend to disagree with
this
 statement. There are certainly some reasons why all parents should be required to take the
childcare
 training course. One of the reasons is that
this
 kind of courses can give parents
comprehensive understanding
Suggestion
a comprehensive understanding
 about children. Active
participation
Accept comma addition
participation, such
such
,
childcare
 training courses
allows
Suggestion
allow
 parents to understand the needs of children at different stages. With the knowledge of taking care of children
that is
 learned from
childcare
 training courses, parents are less likely to make mistakes.
However
, there are opposing voices as well.
To begin
 with, children training courses
are
Suggestion
is
 a waste of time. As living in
rapid advancement
Suggestion
the rapid advancement
 of the technology in
this
 society, parents are able to use
computers to access to
Suggestion
computers to access
 the internet and obtain any information about how to take care of children. By simply typing keywords on Google or YouTube, everyone can easily get free tutorials and a variety of methods.
Consequently
, participating in
childcare
 training courses generally wastes time and energy. Apart from
this
, the cost of
childcare
 training courses is high. Not everyone is able to afford the services. Yet, hiring a babysitter is cheaper and has more benefits for new parents. As babysitters have wide range of knowledge and experiences of caring children
,
Accept space
,
parents
Accept comma addition
parents, therefore
therefore
 can learn some major caring skills through the baby sitters at home
instead
 of paying costly fees and going to
childcare
 training courses for 3 weeks. In conclusion,
although
 caring for children is the most vital matter in the society, it is not necessary for mothers and fathers
to take
Suggestion
take
childcare
 training courses because everyone has their job tasks to do and hire a
baby sitter
a person engaged to care for children when the parents are not home
babysitter
 can solve the issue.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: