Too much emphasis given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#emphasis #education #government #money #time #activity #people

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Nowadays,

countries

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spend their main budget to create educational and physical

activities

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for the young generation. I agree that more

government

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money should be spent on the free

time

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activities

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of young people. First for the most, Spending money on young people is the best investment. Almost in all

countries

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, schools are free and

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apply

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schools have more free

tim

Correct your spelling

time

activities

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for pupils.

For instance

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, If schoolchildren have extra

time

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, they could go to additional free courses or any kind of sports.

As a result

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, These

activities

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help to decrease any health problems and educational issues. Even, in more European

countries

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, universities are

also

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free for all

such

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as Germany, France, Italy ... etc.

Additionally

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, too much investigation into education can bring more economic and political

values

Fix the agreement mistake

value

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to the

government

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For example

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, If the

government

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gives more emphasis to education, scientists will create more useful things and the

government

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can sell them all over the world.

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From

show examples

another point of view, It takes more budget. The

government

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takes money from taxes to spending for any kind of sphere. In

this

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case, to spend more budget on the future of education, the country needs to increase taxes. But it will be less problem for not developed

countries

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Moreover

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, Children

also

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need more free

time

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to play with their piers. In conclusion, I firmly believe that governments should allocate their primary resources to the young generation.

This

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investment not only contributes significantly to the development of individuals but

also

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fosters economic and political progress.

However

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, it is imperative to strike a balance, ensuring that young people are granted sufficient free

time

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to enjoy their childhood, thereby fostering a holistic development approach.

Wed Jun 05 2024

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coherence cohesion

The essay's structure could be improved by clearly delineating paragraphs for different points. This will make the essay more organized and easier to follow.

task achievement

Ensure that all main ideas are adequately supported with specific and relevant examples. The essay presently has some general examples, which could be more impactful if elaborated.

task achievement

Address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. While the essay discusses the importance of funding free time activities, it could better balance this with the discussion on education spending.

coherence cohesion

You have clearly included an introduction and a conclusion in your essay, which provides a good structure.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear viewpoint and maintains it throughout the discussion, showing consistency.

task achievement

Some good points have been made regarding the benefits of investing in the education and free-time activities of young people.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

2 paragraphs

280 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

overemphasis
burnout
well-being
mental health
social inclusion
non-academic skills
recreational facilities
antisocial behaviors
extracurricular activities
diverse interests
personal growth
real-world skills
intellectual society
undue stress
teamwork
societal development

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Too much emphasis given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

Some people say that the extended family is not as important now as it once was. Others think that its worth has not changed because people always need help from their family members. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Completing university is the best way to get a job. while others believe that experience and developing soft skills is more important. discuss both views and give your opinion

in many countries, people live longer and longer. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?