Too much emphasis given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
countries
spend their main budget to create educational and physical activities
for the young generation. I agree that more government
money should be spent on the free time
activities
of young people. First for the most, Spending money on young people is the best investment. Almost in all countries
, schools are free and in
schools have more free Change preposition
apply
tim
e Correct your spelling
time
activities
for pupils. For instance
, If schoolchildren have extra time
, they could go to additional free courses or any kind of sports. As a result
, These activities
help to decrease any health problems and educational issues. Even, in more European countries
, universities are also
free for all such
as Germany, France, Italy ... etc. Additionally
, too much investigation into education can bring more economic and political values
to the Fix the agreement mistake
value
government
. For example
, If the government
gives more emphasis to education, scientists will create more useful things and the government
can sell them all over the world. In
another point of view, It takes more budget. The Change preposition
From
government
takes money from taxes to spending for any kind of sphere. In this
case, to spend more budget on the future of education, the country needs to increase taxes. But it will be less problem for not developed countries
. Moreover
, Children also
need more free time
to play with their piers. In conclusion, I firmly believe that governments should allocate their primary resources to the young generation. This
investment not only contributes significantly to the development of individuals but also
fosters economic and political progress. However
, it is imperative to strike a balance, ensuring that young people are granted sufficient free time
to enjoy their childhood, thereby fostering a holistic development approach.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure could be improved by clearly delineating paragraphs for different points. This will make the essay more organized and easier to follow.
task achievement
Ensure that all main ideas are adequately supported with specific and relevant examples. The essay presently has some general examples, which could be more impactful if elaborated.
task achievement
Address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. While the essay discusses the importance of funding free time activities, it could better balance this with the discussion on education spending.
coherence cohesion
You have clearly included an introduction and a conclusion in your essay, which provides a good structure.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear viewpoint and maintains it throughout the discussion, showing consistency.
task achievement
Some good points have been made regarding the benefits of investing in the education and free-time activities of young people.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!