IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think it is more important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #time #career #friends
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
rrefutably
Suggestion
Irrefutably
Rrefutably
, time has a huge influence on people’s lives virtually all around the world. Considering
this
Linking Words
 scenario, some people believe that utilising major duration
in
Suggestion
of
 the construction of
bright future
Suggestion
a bright future
 is more important
;
Accept space
;
Linking Words
however others
Accept comma addition
however, others
 claim that spend it with kith and kin is very significant.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both the views and examine on
above argument
Suggestion
the above argument
 before reaching to any staunch conclusion. Predominantly,
career
Use synonyms
 achievement is of great benefit to successfully
development
Suggestion
develop
developed
 in the form of financial matters.
This
Linking Words
 may mean that thriving in a job opportunity might give rise to better social and personal welfare, hopefully leading to improvement in quality of life. A valid illustration of
this
Linking Words
 can be in the case of some film industry personalities
.
Accept space
.
 They come from poor family
background but
Accept comma addition
background, but
 they put their effort for
career
Use synonyms
 enhancement and now become
successful Film Star
Suggestion
a successful Film Star
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is clearly evident that
career
Use synonyms
 progression is of paramount importance in people’s life.Notably, pursing
career
Use synonyms
 has rewards which go beyond the material considerations. It seems quite tenable that job satisfaction may afford spiritual enrichment,
thus
Linking Words
 fostering the sense of self-confidence and self-assurance. With regards to the above argument, placing more emphasis on the effective communication with families and friends is a key illustration of rational thinking. It seems quite justifiable that
such
Linking Words
 a communication is essential for absorbing ground rules and codes of
conducts
Suggestion
conduct
 for social behaviour and building of family structure, arguably leading to an absence of emotional and social problems, particularly for younger members of
family
Suggestion
the family
. Nobody can deny the tremendous benefits of continuous supervision of parents for their children, ensuring
well-behaved environment
Suggestion
a well-behaved environment
 which might be provided for children to be well-brought up. Equally, most people would derive benefits from their families and friends in terms of
career
Use synonyms
 progression and financial matters. All
thing
Suggestion
things
 considered, one can conclude that both sides of
debate
Suggestion
the debate
 are not necessarily mutually exclusive. From my point of view, sensible figures would share fairly their time with both surrounding people and
career
Use synonyms
 advancement.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: