Many People believe that the increased presence of violence in film and Television these days is responsible for the rising incidents of violent crime among youths in society. They argue that government have a duty to control the media so as to reduce this phenomenon. Do you agree with this argument?

#people #presence #violence #film #television #incidents #crime #youths #society #government #duty #control #media #phenomenon #argument

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Youth

violence

Use synonyms

is a problem that many people blame on the media, which they believe should be supervised by the

government

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. I disagree with

this

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idea and believe that society itself should fix

this

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problem. In today's world young people are influenced by many things, like television, films, and websites. It is

thus

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unreasonable to accuse only movies of increasing

violence

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In other words

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, today's youth come across all human

behaviors

manner of acting or controlling yourself

behaviours

behaviour

equally,

such

Linking Words

violence

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and kindness and greed and generosity. They can witness these things in one news broadcast just as much as they can in an action movie.

Thus

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, blaming the entertainment industry is not only unfair, but it is

also

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wrong because it ignores the root cause of these

behaviors

manner of acting or controlling yourself

behaviours

. To suggest that the

government

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should control

this

Linking Words

then

Linking Words

, is to avoid taking responsibility for ourselves. Indeed, a

government

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should not act as parents to its citizens. It exists to ensure society can thrive, not to tell people what to do.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, parents can and must control what their children see online, in movies, or any other resource.

Consequently

Linking Words

, parents must decide whether they want their children to watch horror movies; it is not a

Use synonyms

government's

Suggestion

government

job to ban a studio from making it. Once a

government

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controls one sphere, it will be free to act in all areas of our lives because negative influences are everywhere and have always been so. Not only will

government

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actions not

Accept comma addition

actions, not

stop

violence

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, but they will

also

Linking Words

likely increase it as people fight for their freedom. In conclusion,

violence

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can be triggered in many ways, including, but not limited to media influence. The

government

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should

therefore

Linking Words

not be allowed to restrict what

entertainment companies

Suggestion

the entertainment companies

produce because they will

then

Linking Words

have to spread their control to all areas of society.

Submitted by hamdislam on Mon Jan 20 2020

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

302 words

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