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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Women are changing all frontiers by the skills. At the same time, they are failing as a mother too. Do you agree or disagree.

#women #frontiers #skills #time #mother
There is no denying the fact that females have reached a stage where they are equally supporting the growth of society and the nation. Considering
this
, a section of society often argues that
women
 are not completing their obligations as a mother.
However
, I completely disagree with
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 assertion; the reasons will be hashed out with compelling examples. The noticeable point for the working
women
 is that being occupied with the professional and household work, they have streamlined the job priorities for their family. A woman as a mother always gives preference to her child, whether it was a couple of decades
or
Rephrase
ago or
show examples
contemporary
Change preposition
in contemporary
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 times. An example of
this
 from current news is that a
politician
Replace the word
political
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 lady brings her kid
in
Change preposition
to
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parliament
Correct article usage
a parliament
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 meeting. Being aware of her professional responsibilities, she doesn’t neglect her duties for the child.
Thus
, it has been shown that all
women
 are providing support for their work and home. Another good point to consider,
women
 employees have proven their talent in various avenues of all professions. They have conquered several milestones in different occupations which
includes
Change the verb form
include
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 politics, sports,
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 and IT professions.
Besides
, they have added their house management skills in managing an organization. Their management skill is not only implemented in controlling family tasks
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 in managing an organization.
Furthermore
, a survey report shows that 70%
employees
Change preposition
of employees
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 in
HR
Correct article usage
the HR
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department
Fix the agreement mistake
departments
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 of various organizations are ladies.
Thus
, it is undeniable that they are performing outstanding in their career. In conclusion, the above viewpoints have described
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Change noun form
women's
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women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 expertise in handling the work and the children. Even, they know about responsibilities for their kid.
Moreover
, I believe men should equally support
women
 in
upbringing
Correct article usage
the upbringing
show examples
 of their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
This
 partnership of both the parents and
equally
Change the word
equal
show examples
 distribution of duties will make a perfect family.

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Task Response
Make sure to clearly state your agreement or disagreement in the introduction to provide a clear thesis statement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure overall, but some paragraphs could be more clearly linked to each other for better coherence.
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