IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most people try to balance between work and other part of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this delicate balance. What are the main problems people are facing? What is the best way to overcome them?

#people #balance #work #part #lives
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To become a role model
to every one
Accept comma addition
to, everyone
to everyone
 has a big issue of all employers as considered the balance between the job and their personal needs. It has been a huge
problems
Suggestion
problem
 that
affect
Suggestion
affects
 every
employees
Suggestion
employee
 in day-to-day
life namely
Accept comma addition
life, namely
, workload, lack of family support, financial crisis and so on. There are many solutions to mitigate
such
Linking Words
 problems
by
Suggestion
with
 the recreational programs, family education, proper management as well.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the problems affected by the employers,
first
Linking Words
 concerned
to
Suggestion
with
 the family issues
such
Linking Words
 as
nuclear family
Suggestion
the nuclear family
nuclear families
, single parents, distant relations so and so.
Linking Words
second
Suggestion
Second
 priority to the heavy works of the employers to cope with the needs and target of the company. Apart from that, workers inappropriate
work
Use synonyms
 schedule, shortage of staff,
also
Linking Words
 affected the people to achieve their goals in job and personal often.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, managerial problems are the other causative factor of every
employees
Suggestion
employee
 who affected like, lack of salary, poor
work
Use synonyms
 environment, crisis of finance. Regarding
such
Linking Words
 issues, solutions is not
in
Suggestion
at
 a distance,
such
Linking Words
 as family reunion, education related to the family support, proper human resource management, would beneficial to the employees to reach their goals and aim of
Use synonyms
work
Suggestion
the work
 as well as
in personal needs
Suggestion
personal needs
.
Although
Linking Words
, company benefit would be a great concern to every
employees
Suggestion
employee
, the leaders must involve with their employees personal needs and security. They should arrange the rehabilitative programs
to
Suggestion
for
 them to deal with the
work
Use synonyms
 pressure and to enhance their inner qualities
in contrast
Linking Words
 to the workload.
Similarly
Linking Words
, reduce the number of nuclear families, and to establish the wide range of benefits have by the virtue of compound families.
In addition
Linking Words
,
organisation
Suggestion
the organisation
organisations
 would consider the personal needs of every
employees
Suggestion
employee
 and to give the wages and bonuses to them for their security and protection. In conclusion, having a balanced role in
work
Use synonyms
 and other lives is an inevitable position of every
workers
Suggestion
worker
. Whereas, proper support and protection from the authority and family would get a highly improvised person in a job as well as own life. That would help the person to achieve their goals and aim in both
category
Suggestion
categories
.
Submitted by sumayaothman96 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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