IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police or military force, such as army while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both the views and give you opinion.

#people #women #role #men #country’s #police #force #army #kinds #jobs
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 expeditiously transforming world, the role of a woman in the various sectors is a highly debated topic, and attracts a lot of opinions. Some people believe that they should have equal contribution as men in the armed forces, but others tend to differ. In a progressing country like India, I believe that equal opportunity should be given to both men and women. To embark on the side which supports women to join military force, some reckon that today, women are equally qualified and capable of handling the diverse sectors extremely well. We can observe ample of cases where women have excelled and conquered their respective fields.
For example
Linking Words
, Kalpana Chawla, renowned astronaut, who was successful in leaving a mark in space or Indira Gandhi,
first
Linking Words
 woman Prime Minister of India, who was competent enough to run the prodigious country well. Accentuating the compelling outlook, which restricts a woman to join the army or other forces, contemplates that they are not physically strong enough
as a result
Linking Words
, they might not be able to survive in harsh climatic conditions.
For example
Linking Words
, in Siachen, where the temperature drops to -50 degrees Celsius, staying alive is a challenge.
Moreover
Linking Words
, their biological differences might create hindrances in training and other field activities
as a result
Linking Words
, the efficiency will get dwindled. Apart from the physical aspect, some savants propound that most women are timid at heart and emotionally weaker than men,
thus
Linking Words
 putting them
last
Linking Words
 in the line. To summarize, I contemplate that women should be given equal chances as men, and should be encouraged to join the armed forces. If they are successful in fields like business, science, technology and others, they will put maximum effort for
this
Linking Words
 as well. Sidelining them for some prejudice is not as appreciated way, as they have the capability to handle it proficiently.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: