IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The world today is a safer place and governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their armed forces.

There is a long time that no
world
Use synonyms
war
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 has taken place. In comparison to all soldiers were lost on the battlefield in the
last
Linking Words
world
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war
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 about seventy years ago, people now live in peace and with no conflict.
Thus
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, it has been argued as no major nations of the
world
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 are not involved in a
war
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 now, it should be better to not assign a huge
budget
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 to military forces. On one hand, it is true that we have not had a
war
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 between most of the countries of the
world
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 at the same time since 1945. One important reason could be the military power of countries. In my view,
this
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 helps governments to prevent
war
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. To give an example, if Ukraine had more powerful military some years ago, Russia would never attack with them. So spending a significant amount of money on armed forces will bring national security and
also
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 obviously it will be very helpful especially in defence against threats.
On the other hand
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, assigning whole a country's
budget
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 to the military, not only waste a lot of money, but
also
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 create tension mostly for neighbouring countries. In fact, a balanced
budget
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 should be assigned to armed services
otherwise
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 we will see people's discontent.
Moreover
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, having the most dangerous weapons like atomic bombs can lead to destructive consequences.
However
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, peace should be achieved through international engagement.
Furthermore
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, investing on armed forces
instead
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 of spending money on a great number of contemporary matters like natural disasters can put human existence in jeopardy. To summerize, to my mind, after about a hundred years ago from
World
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War
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 Two, an appropriate
budget
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 on armed forces with proper international relations will bring peace and security for a country.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • diplomatic relations
  • geopolitical balance
  • national security
  • deterrent
  • military readiness
  • armed forces
  • disarmament
  • vulnerability
  • reallocation of resources
  • technological advancements
  • cyber security
  • intelligence
  • counter-terrorism
  • global power dynamics
  • utilitarian perspective
  • humanitarian needs
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