IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

the prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. government funding should reflect this. to what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
The issue of the increasing number of patients with serious
disease
 has been heatedly debated by public for years.
Somepeople
Suggestion
Some people
 think that
government
 support should be contributed to
diminsh
decrease in size, extent, or range
diminish
this
 issue;
however other
Accept comma addition
however, another
however another
 group of people
hold
Suggestion
holds
 the opinion that the
goverment
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
 will not be responsible. In the following
pparagraphs
one of several distinct subdivisions of a text intended to separate ideas; the beginning is usually marked by a new indented line
paragraphs
paragraph
, I will proffer rationale for my
veiwpoint
a mental position from which things are viewed
viewpoint
 and give supporting reasons
for
Suggestion
in
this
 matter. The primary reason for
gvernment
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
 funding is to build range of
health
care
 services for all patients.
Morespesificaly
, the main goal of the
goverment
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
 must be targeting patients with chronic
disease
. In
additon
a component that is added to something to improve it
addition
, give these patients
the high
Suggestion
the highest
 quality
serviecs
performance of duties or provision of space and equipment helpful to others
services
service
 by building a
near by
close at hand
nearby
health
care
facilities
Suggestion
facility
 for chronic
disease
 patients. For
instunce
an occurrence of something
instance
instances
instanced
, there
shold
expresses an emotional, practical, or other reason for doing something
should
 be a
centre
 for renal failure patients in every constrict of a city. By doing
this
, any patients with
reanl
of or relating to the kidneys
renal
disease
 could go to the
near by
close at hand
nearby
centre
 and get immediate help
in stead
in place of, or as an alternative to
instead
 of going to the fur away
hspitals
a health facility where patients receive treatment
hospitals
hospital
 and waiting for
long time
Suggestion
a long time
. Not only the
finantial
involving financial matters
financial
 support of the
government
 will help to construct
near by
Suggestion
a nearby health centre
nearby health centre
the nearby health centre
health
centre
, but
also
 it will provide a treatment for the
serius
concerned with work or important matters rather than play or trivialities
serious
series
 sick people.
Moreover
, the fund of the
government
 will provide the medicine to treat life
threating
threatening or foreshadowing evil or tragic developments
threatening
disease
. For
exaple
an item of information that is typical of a class or group
example
, the money supported by the
governemt
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
 would help to supply drugs for low immune patients
such
 as HIV. In return,
this
 would help to decrease the number of HIV patients as well as the patients would get the
tratment
care provided to improve a situation (especially medical procedures or applications that are intended to relieve illness or injury)
treatment
 for free. In sum, I
senserly
with sincerity; without pretense
sincerely
 maintain the
beleive
accept as true; take to be true
believe
 that the
government
 must give a
finincial
involving financial matters
financial
spport
give moral or psychological support, aid, or courage to
support
spot
sport
 to build
health
care
 facilities as well as providing medicine for serious
disease
 patients in every city. I hope in the near future, the
goverment
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
 support will decrease the chronic
disease
 patients by building high quality
health
care
centre
 and providing the effective treatment for them as soon as possible.
Submitted by khojahammar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: