The most important factor in job satisfaction is salary. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

For many
people
around the world, a
job
cannot be satisfying unless they are earning a high salary. There are others,
however
, who believe that to be happy in
life
, we should live our
life
with a
sense
of purpose, finding jobs that we feel passionate about
while
working in a happy
environment
. I strongly believe that these factors lead to a much stronger
sense
of fulfilment in our
work
and our lives in general.
People
who feel passionate about their
work
tend to report higher feelings of
job
satisfaction
and commonly experience higher levels of motivation and energy.
Furthermore
, when a
job
involves helping others,
such
as that of a doctor, lawyer or teacher, a strong
sense
of purpose in
life
can be achieved, leading to an
overall
sense
of well-being. The stronger the passion we have for our
job
, the higher the level of
satisfaction
experienced. Another contributory factor to
overall
job
satisfaction
,
Remove the comma
apply
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is to
work
in a positive and friendly
environment
.
This
is not always easy to control but it is worth trying to contribute to finding ways to make
this
happen.
People
who
work
in offices with demanding or selfish managers and uncooperative colleagues tend to report much higher levels of stress and dissatisfaction in their jobs than those who
work
in happier atmospheres with supportive colleagues.
Hence
, it is always worth trying to cultivate a great working atmosphere. Despite the apparent benefits of the above points, there remain a large number of individuals who believe that earning a good salary is the most important factor for
job
satisfaction
. Many
people
priorities
Replace the word
prioritise
show examples
financial security
while
also
appreciating things like foreign travel, a good quality education for their children and the ability to purchase luxury items. The feelings of contentment arising from
this
,
Remove the comma
apply
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amounts
Correct subject-verb agreement
amount
show examples
to
job
satisfaction
for a large number of
people
and it helps them to tolerate a
less than perfect
Add a hyphen
less-than-perfect
show examples
work
environment
. In conclusion,
although
it is paramount for many
people
to have a well-paid
job
in order to feel satisfied at
work
, there are many others for whom
this
is not the case. In my opinion, feeling passionate about your
job
and working in a positive and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
supportive
environment
, leads to stronger feelings of
job
satisfaction
and a happier
life
in general.
Submitted by ahmed_berry310eg on

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task achievement
Your essay can benefit from more specific examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing the positive and friendly environment, include concrete scenarios or real-life experiences.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph focuses on a single clear idea. This will help you maintain a precise and logical flow of thoughts throughout your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, covering both aspects of the prompt and delivering a clear position.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are very strong. They effectively outline and summarize your argument, keeping it focused and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
Logical structure of your essay is commendable, with each paragraph flowing smoothly to the next.
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