IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The most important factor in job satisfaction is salary. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#factor #job #satisfaction #salary
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For many
people
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 around the world, a
job
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 cannot be satisfying unless they are earning a high salary. There are others,
however
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, who believe that to be happy in
life
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, we should live our
life
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 with a
sense
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 of purpose, finding jobs that we feel passionate about
while
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 working in a happy
environment
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. I strongly believe that these factors lead to a much stronger
sense
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 of fulfilment in our
work
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 and our lives in general.
People
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 who feel passionate about their
work
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 tend to report higher feelings of
job
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satisfaction
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 and commonly experience higher levels of motivation and energy.
Furthermore
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, when a
job
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 involves helping others,
such
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 as that of a doctor, lawyer or teacher, a strong
sense
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 of purpose in
life
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 can be achieved, leading to an
overall
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sense
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 of well-being. The stronger the passion we have for our
job
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, the higher the level of
satisfaction
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 experienced. Another contributory factor to
overall
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job
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satisfaction
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is to
work
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 in a positive and friendly
environment
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.
This
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 is not always easy to control but it is worth trying to contribute to finding ways to make
this
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 happen.
People
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 who
work
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 in offices with demanding or selfish managers and uncooperative colleagues tend to report much higher levels of stress and dissatisfaction in their jobs than those who
work
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 in happier atmospheres with supportive colleagues.
Hence
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, it is always worth trying to cultivate a great working atmosphere. Despite the apparent benefits of the above points, there remain a large number of individuals who believe that earning a good salary is the most important factor for
job
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satisfaction
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. Many
people
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priorities
Replace the word
prioritise
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 financial security
while
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also
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 appreciating things like foreign travel, a good quality education for their children and the ability to purchase luxury items. The feelings of contentment arising from
this
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
amounts
Correct subject-verb agreement
amount
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 to
job
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satisfaction
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 for a large number of
people
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 and it helps them to tolerate a
less than perfect
Add a hyphen
less-than-perfect
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work
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environment
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. In conclusion,
although
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 it is paramount for many
people
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 to have a well-paid
job
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 in order to feel satisfied at
work
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, there are many others for whom
this
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 is not the case. In my opinion, feeling passionate about your
job
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 and working in a positive and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
supportive
environment
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, leads to stronger feelings of
job
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satisfaction
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 and a happier
life
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 in general.
Submitted by ahmed_berry310eg on

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task achievement
Your essay can benefit from more specific examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing the positive and friendly environment, include concrete scenarios or real-life experiences.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph focuses on a single clear idea. This will help you maintain a precise and logical flow of thoughts throughout your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, covering both aspects of the prompt and delivering a clear position.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are very strong. They effectively outline and summarize your argument, keeping it focused and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
Logical structure of your essay is commendable, with each paragraph flowing smoothly to the next.
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