“Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?”

#“nowadays #technology #people #cellphone #security #cameras #cases #development

In the modern world, technology has brought many changes in our society.

with

Suggestion

With

being monitored through

security

cameras or

cellphones

Suggestion

cell phones

, some people believe that it has negative effects on our society.

However

, many people believe there are a lot more positive effects on people’s

lives

Accept comma addition

lives, such

such

as strong

security

and saving lives. In

this

essay, I will discuss the advantage and disadvantage and give my opinion at

end

Suggestion

the end

. One of the huge advantage about being

monitor

Suggestion

monitored

security

. Since governments set many

security

cameras in public places, the crimes are getting lower than they used to be. Extending

security

cameras

is demonstrating

Suggestion

are demonstrating

that banks can prevent to being robbed. It is possibly related to save a lot of people in a financial

way

Accept comma addition

way, such

such

as people who are extremely poor.

As a result

, being monitor will help to increase a stable life. The

second

benefit about being monitored is saving lives. People who

has

Suggestion

have

a serious disease in their body, It

is possibly happen

Suggestion

has possibly happened

possibly happens

to pass out in the public places.

Security

monitor can take emergency measures until 911 arrive.

Therefore

, the incident will be getting lower.

On the other hand

, being monitored has a deleterious effect on the society. When people are on their phones

Suggestion

public places, it is possible to hack their main information

such

as bank account number.

For example

, hackers will abuse with the bank account number and manipulate citizens.

Therefore

, governments should consider about the hacking

otherwise

people’s personal information will be exposed in the world. In conclusion,

this

essay has shown the benefits and drawbacks. I believe that being monitored can help many positive ways in the reality.

Thus

, people should realize that

security

cameras and

cellphones

Suggestion

cell phones

can make safety enhance for their lives.

Sun Jan 26 2020

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

291 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that people in senior positions alone should make decisions in a business, while others think that employees should be involved in the decision-making process too. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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