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Writing Samples /
Band 5

“Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?”

#“nowadays #technology #people #cellphone #security #cameras #cases #development
In the modern world, technology has brought many changes in our society.
with
Suggestion
In
With
 being monitored through
security
 cameras or
cellphones
Suggestion
cell phones
, some people believe that it has negative effects on our society.
However
, many people believe there are a lot more positive effects on people’s
lives
Accept comma addition
lives, such
such
 as strong
security
 and saving lives. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the advantage and disadvantage and give my opinion at
end
Suggestion
the end
. One of the huge advantage about being
monitor
Suggestion
monitored
 is
security
. Since governments set many
security
 cameras in public places, the crimes are getting lower than they used to be. Extending
security
 cameras
is demonstrating
Suggestion
are demonstrating
 that banks can prevent to being robbed. It is possibly related to save a lot of people in a financial
way
Accept comma addition
way, such
such
 as people who are extremely poor.
As a result
, being monitor will help to increase a stable life. The
second
 benefit about being monitored is saving lives. People who
has
Suggestion
have
 a serious disease in their body, It
is possibly happen
Suggestion
has possibly happened
possibly happens
 to pass out in the public places.
Security
 monitor can take emergency measures until 911 arrive.
Therefore
, the incident will be getting lower.
On the other hand
, being monitored has a deleterious effect on the society. When people are on their phones
at
Suggestion
in
 public places, it is possible to hack their main information
such
 as bank account number.
For example
, hackers will abuse with the bank account number and manipulate citizens.
Therefore
, governments should consider about the hacking
otherwise
 people’s personal information will be exposed in the world. In conclusion,
this
 essay has shown the benefits and drawbacks. I believe that being monitored can help many positive ways in the reality.
Thus
, people should realize that
security
 cameras and
cellphones
Suggestion
cell phones
 can make safety enhance for their lives.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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