IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent so you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
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Curing the health issues using medication must be secondary priority of
Use synonyms
government
Suggestion
the government
 and preventing the disease should be the
first
Linking Words
hence
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Suggestion
the government
 should allocate
more fund
Suggestion
more funding
 for preventing the ailments
instead
Linking Words
 of treating it. It
am
Suggestion
is
 in partial agreement with the statement,
Use synonyms
government
Suggestion
the government
 should have a balanced approach in
this
Linking Words
 case.
Firstly
Linking Words
, taking the preventive measures is always a long term approach as it will lower down the financial pressure on the
government
Use synonyms
 and citizens by saving them from hefty hospital bills. Educating children an
parents
Suggestion
parent
 about the disease and its reasons can help more in preventing contiguous diseases. No doubt, there are lots of technological advancements and science research have been done even though curing HIV AIDS is not
possible, only it
Suggestion
only possible, it
 can be prevented by education
campins
a race between candidates for elective office
campaigns
 or the disorder
such
Linking Words
 as sugar which occur due to the heredity from
parents
Suggestion
parents'
parent's
 genes can be
sort
Suggestion
sorted
 by placing
ineffected
Suggestion
in effected
 DNA and saving
new born
recently born
newborn
 from pain and big bills of medicine and hospitals. Treating epidemic diseases
is
Suggestion
are
also
Linking Words
 necessary as they can not
left
Suggestion
leave
 without treatment because it will lead to low life expectancy for
such
Linking Words
 patients.
For example
Linking Words
, cancer patients are needed
to treated
Suggestion
to treat
 well and funds are required for new technology for treating
such
Linking Words
 contiguous
ailment
Suggestion
ailing
hence
Linking Words
 chemotherapy came into exist and it became easy to cure the
paitent
a person who requires medical care
patient
patients
. Curing a disease is
costly but
Accept comma addition
costly, but
 it is necessary. All in all, I can say that
Use synonyms
government
Suggestion
the government
 should allocate funds as per the requirement of both the phases because both are necessary and requires attention.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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