IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries children take up paid jobs during the summer vacation. Some people feel that this amounts to child labour. Others argue that summer jobs help children learn valuable lessons. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In some nations, young people start earning by involving themself in potential work , especially in the summer holidays.
Hence
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, some individuals oppose
this
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 trend and compare it with child labour.
Whereas
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, others believe that
such
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 jobs teach them precious lessons. I strongly agree with the latter notion, as, toddlers can indulge themself in creative activities
instead
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 of wasting time and involving in unauthorized acts.
This
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 essay will articulate both viewpoints
along with
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 my opinion in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with the first viewpoint, earning money can be a distraction for students. To elaborate, education is difficult and
children
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 try to avoid it and invest their interest in other activities.
Besides
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, they can obtain extra income as compared to their pocket money.
For example
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, the government of India started a new program to expand the literacy rate by announcing free education for
children
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 who obtain good marks in their board exams.
Thus
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, whether a child does a part-time job or a volunteer job, it will be counted as child labour. Moving forward to the second point of view, youngsters are able to indulge themself in the real world and they are allowed to grasp valuable lessons. To explain, being a bookworm is easy but dealing with the contemporary world is a bit hard.
For instance
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,
children
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 from developed nations are more active and intelligent as compared to developing nations as per Chetan Bhagat's article.
Therefore
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, to become successful, youth should be active socially and involved in skilful activities.
To conclude
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, there is no doubt, that education can be behind in
children
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's success. But skill can only be developed if it is in active mode. In future, it can be considered that more States will offer special tasks for their learners in their free time.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and supports it clearly. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily and improve coherence.
task achievement
Clarify and elaborate on examples provided. This ensures that they directly support your points and strengthen your argument.
general
Work on sentence variety and reduce grammatical errors to make your ideas clearer and improve the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is crucial in tackling such prompts effectively.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a clear beginning and end.
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