IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that when a person travel into different culture they should adapt to the local culture and custom. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

#people #person #travel #culture #custom
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It is sometimes argued that
traveling
the act of going from one place to another
travelling
 to
different
Suggestion
a different culture
culture
Use synonyms
 is
caused
Suggestion
causing
 people change their
culture
Use synonyms
 and should adjust to traditional activities and convention. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea
that a person forces
Suggestion
that forces a person
that a person force
that a person force force
 to conform
with
Suggestion
to
 the native
culture
Use synonyms
 of the country that they enter in as a
traveler
a person who changes location
traveller
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, With the advent of globalization and extending of cultural relativism people in worldwide have learned to accept and respect diversity
culture
Use synonyms
. As
result
Suggestion
a result
 of
relativism no
Accept comma addition
relativism, no
culture
Use synonyms
 is strange and individual were able to live everywhere according to their folklores. These phenomena pave the way for resident, living in
foreign country
Suggestion
a foreign country
foreign countries
 without compulsion to accommodate to traditional standard in abroad and what is more they can continue living there with their own tradition.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
acculturation process
Suggestion
the acculturation process
 among cultures is
inevitable it
Accept comma addition
inevitable, it
 does not mean
this
Linking Words
 trend is obligated. Not only acculturation is not obligated and
unilateral but
Accept comma addition
unilateral, but
also
Linking Words
 is mutual and
voluntarily
Suggestion
voluntary
. People voluntarily decide to adapt local
culture
Use synonyms
 and custom or
not
Accept comma addition
not, for
for
Linking Words
example there
Accept comma addition
example, there
 are many people live in other
countries but
Accept comma addition
countries, but
, they still their own and tradition, as well as there are people who have converted their
culture
Use synonyms
 generally, people have the voluntary choose. To sum up, I personally refuse
this
Linking Words
 statement that a person who travels in different
culture
Use synonyms
 should adjust to traditional standard and custom. Globalization and voluntarily are two main factors for people to live without constrain to adjust foreign
culture
Use synonyms
. Cultural relativism
provide
Suggestion
provides
 appropriated situation for all individuals in various cultures live together freely and
also
Linking Words
 people acquire and adjust to
Use synonyms
culture
Suggestion
the culture
 in acculturation processes voluntarily.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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