IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Should government make decisions about people's lifestyle, or should people make their own decisions?

#government #decisions #people #lifestyle
looking
Suggestion
Looking
 at the todays
senario
an outline or synopsis of a play (or, by extension, of a literary work)
scenario
, most of the people's lifestyle is not running smoothly.
Government
Suggestion
The government
 can build some
rules but
Accept comma addition
rules, but
also
 people can make their own schedule so that they can find what they love to do and motivate
themself
reflexive form of "them"
themselves
. In
this
eassy
an analytic or interpretive literary composition
essay
issue
 I will discuss on both views.
First
 of all, we are in living in
democratic nation
Suggestion
a democratic nation
 so a
country
Suggestion
country's
 ruler can make a decision
on
Suggestion
for
 us.
Government
Suggestion
The government
 can bring a major impact on public's lifestyle by conducting a health awareness program so that society member could
gets
Suggestion
get
 benefits.
Authourity
Suggestion
The authority
Authority
Authorities
also have
Suggestion
also has
has also had
 to make a certain rules on
thier
of them or themselves
their
tire
third
 daily works, which can help people
to give
Suggestion
give
 their potential on their habits.
For example
, Prime Minister of Nepal
had declare
Suggestion
had declared
a
Suggestion
an
 average working hours of employees is 7-8 hours and
a
Suggestion
an
organazation
a group of people who work together
organization
organisation
 should
complusary
 conduct a fitness program once a week.
On the other hand
, most people, they like what they do. In some area government can make a
rules
Suggestion
rule
 for their
life style but
Accept comma addition
lifestyle, but
lifestyle but
 at the same time some people are self motivated. They love what they do and gives their
attension
Suggestion
attention
attentions
 on their building their habits, no matter how busy they are. When people make their own programs about
it they
Accept comma addition
it, they
 feel more
enthusistic
having or showing great excitement and interest
enthusiastic
enthusiasts
 and they follow till for
long term
Suggestion
the long term
. For
instence
an occurrence of something
instance
instances
, my friend
live
Suggestion
lives
 in
kathmandu
the capital and largest city of Nepal
Kathmandu
, morning he goes to college and afternoon to
works but
Suggestion
work, but
work but
 he manages his time
atleast
Suggestion
at least
 1 hours for his lifestyle as he is thinking of. In
consclusion
a position or opinion or judgment reached after consideration
conclusion
consolation
conclusions
, when it
come
Suggestion
comes
 to peoples
life
 style, its depend on individual how they want their
life
 to be like.
Well in
Accept comma addition
Well, in
 some part government have to make some rules
where
have the quality of being; (copula, used with an adjective or a predicate noun)
were
 mainly its depends on human
life
.
Submitted by dineshchettri672 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: