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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
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The below chart illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Japanese
Use synonyms
 going abroad as
tourists
Use synonyms
 between the
years
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1985 and 1995 (in a decade) and the share of Australia as the destination market for these
tourists
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Japanese
Use synonyms
tourists
Use synonyms
 has been in
gradual
Add an article
a gradual
the gradual
show examples
 increase
from
Change preposition
since
show examples
 1985 reaching
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak in
in
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
1995
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 15 million
while
Linking Words
 the percentage that used to go to Australia has
also
Linking Words
grew
Change the verb form
grown
show examples
 from 2% to 6% on average, showing to be a great market destination for
Japanese
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. In common, the
number
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Japanese
Change preposition
of Japanese
show examples
tourists
Use synonyms
 going abroad has increased dramatically presenting
three fold
Add a hyphen
three-fold
show examples
 growth in the decade between 1985 and 1995. At the beginning of the period, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
tourists
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 was about 5 million in 1985.
Although
Linking Words
 there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
annual
Add an article
an annual
show examples
 steady increase,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
the
years
Use synonyms
 1991 and 1993 did not show a notable jump compared to their previous
years
Use synonyms
.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Japanese
Add an article
the Japanese
show examples
 tourism sector has
went
Change the verb form
gone
show examples
 up dramatically. Australia’s tourism market has attracted
Japanese
Use synonyms
tourists
Use synonyms
 at an alarming rate. It rose from 2$ in 1985 to 6% in 1995. It indicated steady growth except
1989
Change preposition
in 1989
show examples
 and 1994
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 illustrated a low drop compared to the previous
years
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, japanese, tourists, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • decade
  • fluctuation
  • consistent growth
  • market share
  • peak
  • period
  • significant
  • trend
  • indicate
  • tourism industry
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