IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyles of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #habits #lifestyles #children #generations #people #effect #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, life is more modern which has led to many changes of new generations. The eating habits and lifestyles of kids are not the same as those of
Linking Words
last generations
Suggestion
the last generations
. It's said that
this
Linking Words
 has had a negative effect on their health. I personally agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion. Nowadays, kids' eating habits is different from those in the past. They are fond of eating junk food in the restaurants and road sides.
This
Linking Words
 kind of food is oily, greasy and lack of nutrition. Which lead to the obesity among children. In the past, parents were likely to
forced
Suggestion
force
 their offsprings
heavibg
Suggestion
 healthy meals. In
this
Linking Words
 modern life, adults are busier;
therefore
Linking Words
, they let the children to fast food as they don't have enough time to cook a healthy meal.
Moreover
Linking Words
, living and addiction to modern technology has
huge effect
Suggestion
a huge effect
 on children. They are keen on using technology like computer games and video games all day long.
This
Linking Words
 results in their bad impact on the physical health like
eyes
Suggestion
eye
 problems and backache due to poor posture. Looking back to the past, children were more likely to go outside and do sports or traditional activities like dancing,
singing which
Accept comma addition
singing, which
 made them fit and able to get on well with their neighbours. In conclusion, those bad habits cannot be changed
complely
to a complete degree or to the full or entire extent
completely
 though it will create a bad future for children. Parents should
join hands in and
Suggestion
join hands and
 encourage children to do outdoor activities and have a good eating habit.
Submitted by tructhanhthanh1706 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: