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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002.

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002.
#minutes #billions #telephone #uk #three #categories
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the bar chart illustrates the
overall
 number of
minutes
 of telephone calls which
separated
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are separated
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 into three different groups local fixed
line
, national and international fixed
line
 and mobile in
uk
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UK
Uk
 in between 1995 to 2002.
Overall
, local fixed
line
 calls increased slightly but after a
chartain
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certain
time
Add a comma
,time
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 it was fallen slowly,
while
 national and
internaltional
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international
 fixed
line
 and mobile calls rose
dramaticaly
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dramatically
 throughout the
period
. how ever
at the end
 of
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
time
period
 national and international calls recorded the highest number of
minutes
 of telephone calls
than
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apply
show examples
throughout the
period
. in 1995 the lowest
telephone
Correct quantifier usage
number of telephone
show examples
 calls made by mobiles and
it
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apply
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was about 3billions of
minutes
 but there was
slight
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a slight
show examples
incriese
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increase
untill
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until
 1999 and
form
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from
show examples
 1999 to 2002, there
was
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were
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signignificant
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significant
 changes
happend
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happened
happen
 upto 45billions,
while
natioanl
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national
 and international calls rose
dramaticaly
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dramatically
 all over the
period
form
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from
show examples
 1995 to 2002 about 39
billions
 to 60
billions
 of
minutes
 respectively. On the
the
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apply
show examples
other hand, local fixed
line
 calls
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the
hinghest
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highest
 among all these three
catagories
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categories
 by all over the
time
period
. in 1995 it was 72
billions
Change to singular
billion
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 and it increased slightly upto 90billions in the
rtyear
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year
rear
 of 1999 but after 1999 it started to fall
untill
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until
 2002, which became almost
at
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apply
show examples
the same number of
minutes
 as it was at the
beaganing
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beginning
 of the
time
period
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words minutes, line, time, period, billions with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • total number
  • minutes
  • telephone calls
  • UK
  • divided into
  • categories
  • from
  • to
  • overall
  • increased significantly
  • local fixed-line calls
  • accounted for
  • largest proportion
  • throughout
  • period
  • international calls
  • highest rate of growth
  • experiencing
  • sharp increase
  • national long-distance calls
  • remained relatively stable
  • slight decline
  • towards
  • end
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