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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002.

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002.
#minutes #billions #telephone #uk #three #categories
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the bar chart illustrates the
overall
Linking Words
 number of
minutes
Use synonyms
 of telephone calls which
separated
Add a missing verb
are separated
show examples
 into three different groups local fixed
line
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, national and international fixed
line
Use synonyms
 and mobile in
uk
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UK
Uk
 in between 1995 to 2002.
Overall
Linking Words
, local fixed
line
Use synonyms
 calls increased slightly but after a
chartain
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certain
Use synonyms
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 it was fallen slowly,
while
Linking Words
 national and
internaltional
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international
 fixed
line
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 and mobile calls rose
dramaticaly
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dramatically
 throughout the
period
Use synonyms
. how ever
at the end
Linking Words
 of
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
time
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
 national and international calls recorded the highest number of
minutes
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 of telephone calls
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
throughout the
period
Use synonyms
. in 1995 the lowest
telephone
Correct quantifier usage
number of telephone
show examples
 calls made by mobiles and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was about 3billions of
minutes
Use synonyms
 but there was
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
incriese
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increase
untill
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until
 1999 and
form
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from
show examples
 1999 to 2002, there
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
signignificant
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significant
 changes
happend
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happened
happen
 upto 45billions,
while
Linking Words
natioanl
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national
 and international calls rose
dramaticaly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 all over the
period
Use synonyms
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 1995 to 2002 about 39
billions
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 to 60
billions
Use synonyms
 of
minutes
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 respectively. On the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
other hand, local fixed
line
Use synonyms
 calls
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the
hinghest
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highest
 among all these three
catagories
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categories
 by all over the
time
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
. in 1995 it was 72
Use synonyms
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 and it increased slightly upto 90billions in the
rtyear
Correct your spelling
year
rear
 of 1999 but after 1999 it started to fall
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 2002, which became almost
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same number of
minutes
Use synonyms
 as it was at the
beaganing
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the
time
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words minutes, line, time, period, billions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • total number
  • minutes
  • telephone calls
  • UK
  • divided into
  • categories
  • from
  • to
  • overall
  • increased significantly
  • local fixed-line calls
  • accounted for
  • largest proportion
  • throughout
  • period
  • international calls
  • highest rate of growth
  • experiencing
  • sharp increase
  • national long-distance calls
  • remained relatively stable
  • slight decline
  • towards
  • end
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