IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think nowadays children have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom
People have different opinions on whether or not children have enough freedom. Some assert that children are doing what they want do compare to the past.
However
, I strongly believe that children don’t have freedom in terms of the
time
 and the choice.
First
 of all, in terms of
time
, children have so many things to do. Parents expect the high academic performance for their children. In order to get high scores, children should join to the lots of private education institutes and should do much homework.
That is
 why some insist children are busier than adults. According to the research conducted by Seoul National University, the 30% of children had the lack of sleep problem, and 73% of children were studying in the private education institute. The percentage of both questions were higher than
last
 year. As clearly seen from research, children don't have
time
 to what they really want to do because they should spend so much
time
 on study. On top of that, in terms of choice, some parents have huge expectation to their kids and the children tend to try to live up to their parent’s expectation. Parent made a schedule for their kid and children are just followed. There are not the choice of children and they rely on their parents. Even some parents decide the future of their children. In conclusion, in modern society, it is true that the competition becomes more fierce.
That is
 why parents want to teach more and more for their children.
However
, I strongly believe it has negative impacts to children in the future. People should consider what is a better way for their children.
Submitted by 02seongah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: