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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays children have too much freedom. Some people think it may be dangerous in some aspects.

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Introduction
It is considered by some people that, in modern times, children are rewarded with excessive
liberty
Use synonyms
, which may be devastating in some aspects. While I somewhat agree with the statement,
freedom
Use synonyms
 is imperative for the all-round development of young ones,
however
Linking Words
, too much
freedom
Use synonyms
 may have some negative impacts.
Body paragraph 1
First
Linking Words
 and foremost,
freedom
Use synonyms
 is essentially important for the development of children in many aspects of
life
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
liberty
Use synonyms
 at a certain extent boosts self-confidence and foster independence in the young generation. They feel trust and love, which increase their moral to do things confidently and build the personality to become more self-dependent.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
freedom
Use synonyms
 provides opportunities to learn
life
Use synonyms
 lessons by understanding the right and wrong and to be creative by expressing their ideas or emotions very openly. One clear example, according to a research conducted by a well-known institute in India, children who are given
freedom
Use synonyms
 are the extraordinary performer in every aspect of
life
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,
such
Linking Words
 as study, sports, and social skills.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, too much
freedom
Use synonyms
 may have many negative consequences.
Firstly
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, excessive
liberty
Use synonyms
 means a lack of supervision by parents and teachers.
This
Linking Words
 will keep them vulnerable to influence by wrongdoing,
for instance
Linking Words
, smoking or drinking alcohol, especially during the adolescence. Having
such
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 bad habits will have
harmful effects
Accept comma addition
harmful, effects
 not only on health and
education but
Accept comma addition
education, but
also
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 in future
life
Use synonyms
 and career.
Secondly
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, too much
freedom
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 will
also
Linking Words
 have a dangerous impact on their behaviour. Despite giving lots of
liberty
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, children take it for granted, and
as a result
Linking Words
, becomes aggressive, and disrespecting elderly and other people as well.
Conclusion
All in all, it is undeniable that children are entitled more
freedom
Use synonyms
 in comparison to the past.
However
Linking Words
, it is vital to supervise them closely to avoid any deteriorating effects and shape them into responsible citizens.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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