Some people think the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It has become increasingly common that educating
students
to become good citizens and workers is more important than benefiting them as individuals. By my reckoning, I completely agree that the principal aim of schools
should be turning children into good citizens.
First and foremost, teaching young individuals to become a well-educated person is the fundamental responsibility of the education system. States provide huge funding for education in order to keep the schools
running as the chief objective of schools
should be focused on nurturing morality and good human characteristics among young generations. For example
, Finland’s education system, a country well-known for its emphasis on nurturing holistic development, stands out for moral values. Hence
, schools
play a significant role in preparing students
for their future careers that would benefit society in general and become
perfect citizens Verb problem
make them
in particular
.
Another reason for my concurrence is that schools
should be a place where every young individual can engage in contributing for the whole nation’s sake. The primary motivation for sending kids to school is not only for personal gain by individualized such
as guiding students
on how to establish their own businesses or become a money-making machine but making them more responsible for social contribution. In order to thrive in the nation
flourishment, it requires the collaboration of every single member of the community and clearly, Change noun form
nation's
schools
should be the place to prepare students
with all the necessary skills for the workforce. Additionally
, teaching proper civil behaviour should be prioritized as it can reduce crime rates and accidents which make the country more peaceful.
In conclusion, a school's role should put an emphasis on preparing children to be productive members of society. The way we educate our children in schools
influences the larger quality of the community.Submitted by huyentrang712 on
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task achievement
Ensure that all points made directly address the topic. For instance, while you mention Finland's education system, it would be more effective if you explained how it creates good citizens and workers.
coherence cohesion
Some of your transitions are a bit abrupt. Try to use more varied cohesive devices to ensure a smoother flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are generally clear, there are a few sentences that could be more concise. For example, the sentence about individualized guidance could be simplified for better clarity.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear viewpoint and stays consistent throughout, which is essential for a strong task response.
task achievement
You used relevant examples, such as the case of Finland, to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and serve their purposes well, framing your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, guiding the reader through your points coherently.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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