IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. 23.17

The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. 23.17
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This
Linking Words
 line graph illustrates information about how seniors in the United States are using their spare time
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the
year
Use synonyms
 1980
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that reading, hiking, watching tv and surfing the internet experienced an increase in their numbers,
while
Linking Words
 theatre considered a downward trend in their rate. In the
1980's
Fix apostrophe usage
1980s
show examples
, hiking started
with
Change preposition
at
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 20%.
This
Linking Words
 sharply rose up to a peak of 80% in the final
year
Use synonyms
, which contributed to
be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 the most popular activity in
2010's
Fix apostrophe usage
2010s
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, reading comprises 30% of the activities in 1980.
This
Linking Words
 was 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 lower than watching tv. Both of the enterprises showed fluctuation in their rate and increase to 60% and 65% in the final
year
Use synonyms
.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning, surfing the internet contributed 5% of the numbers.
This
Linking Words
 showed
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
growth
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 15% in the
year
Use synonyms
 2000. In 2010, it increased to a percentage of 50. Theatre started with 50%, which was the
second
Linking Words
 significant project of the elderly people. In ten years, it dropped down to 30%. In the final
Use synonyms
year
Add a comma
,year
show examples
 it experienced an increase of 45%, which remained the least favoured hobby.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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