IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting.

#people #women #parents #men #role #children #societies
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The role of both
mother
 and father has immense significance in
nurture
Suggestion
the nurture
 of children. Some people argue that women are better at parenting;
however
, in my perspective, I agree with those who opine that men are as efficient as women.
To begin
 with, in many countries, women tend to spend more time at home with children because they are less engaged in jobs. It allows mothers to be involved with their
off-springs
the immediate descendants of a person
offspring
 in a more detailed manner, and
this
 eventually develops a sensational bonding between
mother
 and children as compared to a father who is busy in a job all day long. To illustrate, when a
mother
 is present throughout the day with her children through thick and thin, and provide her children with every possible help, children become more attached emotionally to their
mother
;
thus
, it puts a
mother
 in a better position to tackle and train her children.
Nevertheless
, men are equally effective in raising children because of numerous reasons.
This
 is because they have more exposure of practical and professional world as they are more indulged in doing jobs and practically dealing with circumstances outside the home.
This
make
Suggestion
makes
 it feasible for men
to train
Suggestion
train
 their children to adapt and act
accordingly
 in difficult situations.
Furthermore
, they are more aware of
outer world
Suggestion
the outer world
 which is a plus point for children who can learn from
experiences
Suggestion
the experiences
 of their father. To recapitulate,
although
 women are more indulged in
brought
Suggestion
bringing
 up of the children as they spend more time at home;
nonetheless
, men can equally contribute towards raising children as they have more experience and skills of professional life
.
Accept space
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: