IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development?

#people #birth #thirties #development #support
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In the salad days of the millennium,
the
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apply
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society is polarised into two groups almost equally regarding the notion
that
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of
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 whether giving confinement at thirties leads to a positive or negative development. Different people have their distinct
mindset
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mindsets
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 the following paragraphs
would
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will
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 shed light on the positive development before making a final note. To commence with
first
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the first
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 notion, there are myriad things to be shared in its favour.
First
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The first
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 and foremost reason is having a minimum amount of balance which helps in
up
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apply
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brining
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bringing
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 the kids and supports them in
a
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apply
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give a happy and better life,
next
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the next
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 foremost object is the thinking ability will be accurate
at
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in
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 thirties compared to a younger age,
furthermore
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 the bond between parents at thirty will be strong which leads in a proper family background
moreover
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 it is helpful in nourishing the
children
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 with moral and ethical values. Without knowing how to guide the
children
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in
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on
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a
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the
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 right path, there is no point in giving delivery. A survey that was conducted by the Hindu newspaper found that 45
percent
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per cent
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 of
children
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 were handled by a single parent, which results in giving birth at a younger age, the survey,
also
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 predicted that 15
percent
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per cent
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 of
children
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 were left in an orphanage as soon as
the
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they
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 baby
born
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was born
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.
However
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, from
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this
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this,
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 we can clearly say that the
patter
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pattern
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 of tiny feet at younger ages has lots of drawbacks. To understand, to adjust, to compromise time is necessary. Hammering the
last
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 nail, I personally feel that giving birth to a child at what age should they plan for a baby will totally depend on the individual. To have a positive development of the country and society, giving life at thirties is fine
should
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and should
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 not exceed
beyond
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apply
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this
Linking Words
 duration limit.
Submitted by ssuny87 on

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coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic but lacks clarity and coherence in presenting ideas. Supporting examples are insufficient and need to be more relevant to the argument. Consider presenting a clear and well-organized structure with more specific and illustrative examples.
task achievement
The essay provides a partial response to the task by discussing both positive and negative aspects of giving birth in one's thirties. However, the ideas are not fully developed and lack clarity. Aim to provide a more comprehensive and focused response to the task, with well-explained ideas and relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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