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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graphs illustrate the numbers of graduate and postgraduate British
students
Use synonyms
, who did not
chose
Change the verb form
choose
show examples
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 employment,
adopt
Correct word choice
and adopt
show examples
 various other options after
passed
Wrong verb form
passing
show examples
 out from university.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be observed from the graphs that a majority of the
students
Use synonyms
 opted for higher study, and the least number of
pupils
Use synonyms
 chose voluntary work. After graduation,
while
Linking Words
 near about 30000
pupils
Use synonyms
 decided to pursue
further
Linking Words
 education, roughly 18000
students
Use synonyms
 decided to do a
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
 job.
However
Linking Words
, almost 16000 aspirants remained unemployed, and at least
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 opted for voluntary work.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large portion of the
pupils
Use synonyms
, approximately 3000
students
Use synonyms
 after post-graduation decided to go for higher study. When 2500
pupils
Use synonyms
 were earning
though
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
 jobs, 1600 candidates remained jobless. Similar to graduate
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
, a small section of
postgraduate
Fix the agreement mistake
postgraduates
show examples
 involved themselves in
voluntary
Add an article
the voluntary
a voluntary
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. Interestingly, both graphs are like a mirror image of one another;
while
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 interested in higher study after their completion of
current
Correct pronoun usage
their current
show examples
 degree are the highest, the voluntary work preference remained the least priority.
Submitted by pratichee.spk on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, pupils with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • graduate/postgraduate students
  • full-time work
  • further study
  • part-time education
  • voluntary work
  • unemployment
  • travel/gap year
  • percentage/proportion
  • field of study
  • economic factors
  • trends
  • comparison
  • analysis
  • correlate
  • preferences
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