Some people think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre school age. Other working people think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #childcare #centres #services #children #pre #school #age #members #grandparents #carers #kids

There is no denying that nowadays, families

has been becoming

Suggestion

have been becoming

have become

short in comparison to

past especially

Accept comma addition

past, especially

in cities and there are many reasons behind

this

shift but

Accept comma addition

shift, but

these changes give birth to a contention that whether it is

positive or negative trend

Suggestion

a positive or negative trend

. As per my perspective, it has profound impact on the life of

multitude so

Accept comma addition

multitude, so

it is

negative trend

Suggestion

a negative trend

. To commence with, there are some reasons due to which most of the people like to live in nuclear families and predominant reason is that as inflation is increasing day by day so it becomes quite difficult for the individuals who live in urban areas to get better accommodation. Due to

this

, people tended to live in a house which is Very small because of

this

people

Suggestion

person

prefer to live in small families or sometimes alone so that they can fulfil all needs of their family members and live in

this

era of inflation. In my opinion, it has

adverse impact

Suggestion

an adverse impact

on the lives of individuals because of some reasons.

Firstly

, it

weaken

Suggestion

weakens

the bond of strong relationships as multitude live

alone so

Accept comma addition

alone, so

they don't spend quality time with their families. When individuals

lives

Suggestion

live

away from their house they may feel alone due to which they may become

victim

Suggestion

a victim

victims

of loneliness and homesickness. To recapitulate, inflation

has bring

Suggestion

has brought

major change

Suggestion

major changes

a major change

in the lifestyle of multitude which

effect

the conscious subjective aspect of feeling or emotion

affect

them mentally and physically.

Submitted by baongocbaongoc2010 on Fri Feb 07 2020

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

231 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre school age. Other working people think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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