IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that a person’s criminal record should be removed when they reach the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #person’s #record #age
Some argue that erasing an individual's criminal record once they reach legal age is the right thing to do.
This
 essay partially agrees with that opinion and believes that
such
 a
person
 should be given a clean slate upon reaching adulthood, depending on the severity of the crime.
However
, in the case of serious offences,
this
 should not be done. Minors who have committed petty crimes
such
 as shoplifting or vandalism should be entitled to a clean record once they become adults. Adolescents often lack maturity and discipline, which is why they sometimes make mistakes that they regret later in
life
. These mistakes should not be held against them forever as it prevents them from having a better quality of
life
. Even a tiny black mark on a
person
's criminal record can stop them from getting admitted in a reputed college or firm, which is extremely unfair to them.
For example
, a survey conducted by Queen's University found, that 61% of individuals who committed minor offences when they were young, were not offered white-collar jobs.
However
, if the offence is serious, like rape or murder, a
person
's criminal history should always be maintained. Felonies committed by juveniles that are a threat to, or result in the loss of, human
life
 should always be on the records. These offences are far too grave, and
therefore
, authorities shouldn't risk erasing them from their database as it could assist in solving crimes that might be done by them in the future. To illustrate, according to Wikipedia, in more than 700 murder cases, police officials referenced the convict's rap sheet as a starting point for their investigation in the year 2009. In conclusion, a
person
's rap sheet should be free of past charges once they become adults, in the case of petty crimes to give them a fair shot at building a good
life
 for themselves, but not for serious felonies.
Submitted by zeba_spice on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: