IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

the graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

the graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
#proportion #population #three #countries
This
 line chart
depict
Change the verb form
depicts
show examples
 the proportion of populations over age 65 among three countries America , Japan and Sweden
along
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from 1940 – 2040.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
show examples
 clear from the chart that
Japanese
 people will increase sharply after the
year
 2030 to reach
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 27% its called (
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
community
).
According to
 what is shown , we noticed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
population
 over age 65
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 moderately
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
American
Correct article usage
the American
show examples
community
 , and became stable through the years 1990 and 2020.
Then
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2025
Add a comma
,2025
show examples
this
 portion of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 increasing sharply until its
reach
Correct subject-verb agreement
reaches
show examples
 the percentage
23
Change preposition
of 23
show examples
% .
Although
Sweden
Change noun form
Sweden's
show examples
community
 increase
this
 portion of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 moderately among the years 1945 until the
nineteenths
Correct your spelling
nineteenth
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 increasing sharply to reach the percentage
20
Change preposition
of 20
show examples
%.
Then
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
 to reach in 2030 18%
then
 start sharply increasing to reach in 2040 25%.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the
end
Add a comma
,end
show examples
Japanese
community
 remain stable increase until reach the
year
 2025
its
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
 sharply increasing until the percentage of elderly people reach above 25% that’s
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
 the
Japanese
population
 will be
elderly
Correct article usage
an elderly
show examples
community
Change preposition
by
show examples
at the end
 .
To sum up
 we could say that ,
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
community
 will become an elderly
community
 by keeping
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 growth rate the same until the
year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2040 without doing a thing , they have to set
a new strategies
Correct the article-noun agreement
new strategies
a new strategy
show examples
 to keep themselves away from
this
 dilemma.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japanese, year, community, population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderately" was used 2 times.
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