the graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

the graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
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This
Linking Words
line chart
depict
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depicts
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the proportion of populations over age 65 among three countries America , Japan and Sweden
along
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apply
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from 1940 – 2040.
Its
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It's
It is
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clear from the chart that
Japanese
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people will increase sharply after the
year
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2030 to reach
the
Correct article usage
a
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peak
by
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of
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27% its called (
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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community
Use synonyms
).
According to
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what is shown , we noticed that
,
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apply
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the
population
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over age 65
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
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moderately
at
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in
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American
Correct article usage
the American
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community
Use synonyms
, and became stable through the years 1990 and 2020.
Then
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at
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in
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the
year
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of
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apply
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2025
Add a comma
,2025
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this
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portion of
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population
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the population
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increasing sharply until its
reach
Correct subject-verb agreement
reaches
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the percentage
23
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of 23
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% .
Although
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Sweden
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Sweden's
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community
Use synonyms
increase
this
Linking Words
portion of
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population
Correct article usage
the population
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moderately among the years 1945 until the
nineteenths
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nineteenth
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its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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start
Wrong verb form
started
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increasing sharply to reach the percentage
20
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of 20
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%.
Then
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its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
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to reach in 2030 18%
then
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start sharply increasing to reach in 2040 25%.
Linking Words
At
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In
show examples
the
end
Add a comma
,end
show examples
Japanese
Use synonyms
community
Use synonyms
remain stable increase until reach the
year
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2025
its
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
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sharply increasing until the percentage of elderly people reach above 25% that’s
mean
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means
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the
Japanese
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population
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will be
elderly
Correct article usage
an elderly
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community
Use synonyms
Change preposition
by
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at the end
Linking Words
.
To sum up
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we could say that ,
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Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
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community
Use synonyms
will become an elderly
community
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by keeping
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population
Correct article usage
the population
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growth rate the same until the
year
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2040 without doing a thing , they have to set
a new strategies
Correct the article-noun agreement
new strategies
a new strategy
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to keep themselves away from
this
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dilemma.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
Contractions: Don't use contractions.
Vocabulary: Replace the words japanese, year, community, population with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 7 times.
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "moderately" was used 2 times.
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