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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the change in three different types of crime in Newport city center from 2003 to 2012

The chart below shows the change in three different types of crime in Newport city center from 2003 to 2012
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The line graph displays the changing
number
Use synonyms
 of three different
crime
Use synonyms
incidents
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 in Newport city centre within ten years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of
incidents
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 of
burglary
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 decreased significantly throughout the whole period
while
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 stealing cars and
theft
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 from person
incidents
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 just changed slightly and seem stable especially robbery.
Moreover
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, the huge reduction
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
burglary
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crime
Use synonyms
incident
Fix the agreement mistake
incidents
show examples
 changed the
crime
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 rate order in the mid of 2006. From 2003 to mid-2006,
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
crime
Use synonyms
incidents
Use synonyms
 that happened to households was the highest among the other two and reached the highest point ever in the recording period at approximately 3700 times in 2004
while
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 the
number
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 of car
theft
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incidents
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, as can be seen as the
second
Linking Words
 lowest
crime
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 incident in
this
Linking Words
 presentation, dipped slightly
as well as
Linking Words
 the
overall
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 trend of robbery which was the lowest
crime
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 incident that occurred in
this
Linking Words
 city seem quite stable. In 2004, the
incidents
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 of
burglary
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 went down dramatically and hit
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 lowest at about 1200 times in 2008 making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car
theft
Use synonyms
 came up as the first
crime
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
incidents
Fix the agreement mistake
incident
show examples
happened
Correct pronoun usage
that happened
show examples
 in the city since mid-2006. After 2008, the
number
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 of robbery
incidents
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 and
also
Linking Words
burglary
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 showed tiny
changed
Replace the word
changes
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the car
theft
Use synonyms
 rate rose gradually and
finally
Linking Words
 reached 2600 in 2012 which is just a hundred lower than its first-year record in 2013.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, crime, incidents, burglary, theft with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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