IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

When governments are able to ensure that everybody living in a city has the same wealth and opportunities, will this situation be remedied.

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Nowadays, the
problem
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 of
obesity
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 is rapidly increasing at an alarming rate in many countries.
However
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,
although
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 I agree that to resolve
this
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problem
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 is to aware people about healthy
diet
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 one of the good
way
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, I don’t believe that it is the best. On the one hand, educating individuals about lowering their calories is an excellent concept to reduce
this
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 issue,
this
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 is because they are known how much food they should take and how
much
Suggestion
many
 calories they have to burn. It is a common view most of the people have no idea about
noxious side
Suggestion
the noxious side
 of over eating.
Thus
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, they take food as much as they can,
as a result
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, they are getting fat day-by-day, and suffered several diseases
such
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 as, high blood pressure, heart attack, diabetes and certain cancer. Creating awareness,
therefore
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, is a superior
way
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 to learn people how important healthy
diet
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 chart in our daily life. Pakistani famous singer Adnan Sami,
for example
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, lost 40 kg and overcome
obesity
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 by following a calorie chart provides by his dietician.
However
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, despite the fact that to acknowledge people about
healthy
Suggestion
a healthy diet
diet
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 is a good
way
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, I still believe
exercise
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 is a much better solution to reduce
fatness
Suggestion
the fatness problem
problem
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. The main drawback of educating people about
obesity
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 is that a limited
individuals
Suggestion
individual
try
Suggestion
tries
 to follow balance
diet
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 or don not take it
seriously but
Accept comma addition
seriously, but
 if they are used to doing regular
exercise
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, it would be burned extra calorie from
body
Suggestion
the body
 rapidly.
Although
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 for doing
exercise
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 need to find out leisure time, to keep fit and healthy body it is the best
way
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.
Moreover
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,
exercise
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 can encourage and motivate
individuals mind
Suggestion
the individual's mind
individual's mind
individual mind
, which is another element lacking from educating people about
healthy
Suggestion
a healthy diet
healthy diets
diet
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. In short, while I agree that to educate people about healthy
diet
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 can be a very effective
way
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 to tackle the
problem
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 of
obesity
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. I still believe that
exercise
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 is
much better
Suggestion
a much better way
way
Use synonyms
 to solve
this
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 issue.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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