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Band 4.5

The graph and table show the number of fishers in millions for different regions in 1970,1980 and 2000 and the world’s top ten exporters of fish in 2000.

The graph and table show the number of fishers in millions for different regions in 1970,1980 and 2000 and the world’s top ten exporters of fish in 2000.
#show #fishers #millions #regions #world’s #ten #exporters #fish
The bar graph depicts
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information about the count of
fishers
 in
millions
, in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1970, 1980 and 2000 from different nations of the world
as well as
 about the top 10 exporters of fish in the
last
year
. Overview, The highest proportion of
fishers
 in the region of Asia in three decades
whereas
 the
number
 of
fishers
 in Europe was at the lowest compared to other regions. It is clearly seen that in
the
Remove the article
apply
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these
Correct determiner usage
this
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 30
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
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 of
time
Add an article
the time
a time
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 period, the region of Asia remains at the top with the
number
 of
fishers
 8
millions
Change to singular
million
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, 13
millions
Change to singular
million
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 and 24
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
, respectively.
Moreover
, in the
year
1970
Add a comma
,1970
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 the count of
fishers
 in the countries of Africa was nearly 1
million
 and it remain
2
Change preposition
at 2
show examples
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in the
next
 two decades.
Apart from
this
, in the area of South
America
Add a comma
,America
show examples
 the
number
 of
fishers
remain
Add the particle
toremain
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stagnate
Wrong verb form
stagnated
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in
Change preposition
for
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 three decades.
Further
 analysing, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
fishers
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
North America in the
year
 1970 was very low ,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 their
number
 rose just above 1
million
 in the
next
 decade and it remains constant in the following decade.
Furthermore
, the count for Europe in the
year
 1970 was half
million
Correct article usage
a million
show examples
 and it gradually decrease in the
next
 decade and reached near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the lowest point but again in the
next
 10 years,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
fishers
 grow up to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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half
million
.
Furthermore
, the globally top ten exporters of fish in the
year
 2000 were Thailand, which was on the top following Norway, USA, China, Denmark, Canada, Taiwan, Russia, Indonesia and South Korea at the least.
Submitted by gill521 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore, next".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fishers, millions, year, number, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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