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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph and table show the number of fishers in millions for different regions in 1970,1980 and 2000 and the world’s top ten exporters of fish in 2000.

The graph and table show the number of fishers in millions for different regions in 1970,1980 and 2000 and the world’s top ten exporters of fish in 2000.
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The bar graph depicts
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the count of
fishers
Use synonyms
 in
millions
Use synonyms
, in the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1970, 1980 and 2000 from different nations of the world
as well as
Linking Words
 about the top 10 exporters of fish in the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
. Overview, The highest proportion of
fishers
Use synonyms
 in the region of Asia in three decades
whereas
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
fishers
Use synonyms
 in Europe was at the lowest compared to other regions. It is clearly seen that in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 30
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 of
time
Add an article
the time
a time
show examples
 period, the region of Asia remains at the top with the
number
Use synonyms
 of
fishers
Use synonyms
 8
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
, 13
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 and 24
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the
year
Use synonyms
1970
Add a comma
,1970
show examples
 the count of
fishers
Use synonyms
 in the countries of Africa was nearly 1
million
Use synonyms
 and it remain
2
Change preposition
at 2
show examples
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in the
next
Linking Words
 two decades.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, in the area of South
America
Add a comma
,America
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
fishers
Use synonyms
remain
Add the particle
toremain
show examples
stagnate
Wrong verb form
stagnated
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 three decades.
Further
Linking Words
 analysing, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
fishers
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
North America in the
year
Use synonyms
 1970 was very low ,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 their
number
Use synonyms
 rose just above 1
million
Use synonyms
 in the
next
Linking Words
 decade and it remains constant in the following decade.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the count for Europe in the
year
Use synonyms
 1970 was half
Use synonyms
million
Correct article usage
a million
show examples
 and it gradually decrease in the
next
Linking Words
 decade and reached near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the lowest point but again in the
next
Linking Words
 10 years,
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
fishers
Use synonyms
 grow up to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half
million
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the globally top ten exporters of fish in the
year
Use synonyms
 2000 were Thailand, which was on the top following Norway, USA, China, Denmark, Canada, Taiwan, Russia, Indonesia and South Korea at the least.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore, next".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fishers, millions, year, number, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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