IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say the government should not put money into building theatres and sports stadiums; they should spend more money on medical care and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #government #money #theatres #sports #stadiums #care #education
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Suggestion
It
 is argued by some people that government should spend major
part
 of budget on
health
 care and
education
 and should not waste money on
entertainment
 and
spots
an active diversion requiring physical exertion and competition
sports
 facilities. In my opinion, expenditure on
health
 care and
education
 should be
prime interest
Suggestion
the prime interest
 of the country and if they can afford leisure activities may be given a small portion of
budget
Suggestion
the budget
.
on
Suggestion
On
 one hand
,
Accept space
,
 if the government puts money on
health
 and
education
,
Accept space
,
it will be very useful for
economy
Suggestion
the economy
 of the country
.
Accept space
.
For example
, more schools and universities
wil
the capability of conscious choice and decision and intention
will
well
 result in more educated people who will take
part
 in better economic
developement
act of improving by expanding or enlarging or refining
development
 of the state.
In addition
, the expenditure on
health
 department
wil
the capability of conscious choice and decision and intention
will
 result in better
health
 services available so people will be contended with the system. It has been evidenced from the history that
healthy educated
Accept comma addition
healthy, educated
 people are the requirements of a prosperous and successful
nations
Suggestion
nation
. Sports and
entertainment
 play an important
part
 as recreational facilities are
also
 required by
general public
Suggestion
the general public
. Theatres are an important
part
 of culture and traditions of
country
Suggestion
the country
,
which if
Accept comma addition
which, if
 not allowed to flourish will result in
disappearance
Suggestion
the disappearance
 over
period
Suggestion
a period
 of time
.
Accept space
.
 They are not always for
entertainment but
Accept comma addition
entertainment, but
 few stage dramas have moral lessons as
well which
Accept comma addition
well, which
 play an important in
character building
Suggestion
the character building
 of people as they take influence from these dramas. So spending a substantial amount for
thetare
a building where theatrical performances or motion-picture shows can be presented
theatre
the tare
 and sports is
beneficia
promoting or enhancing well-being
beneficial
beneficiary
. In conclusion
,
Accept space
,
 government should spend some money on sports facilities and
entertainment
, but it should not be at the cost of
more important areas
Suggestion
the more important areas
 like
health
 and
education
, which should have the maximum emphasis.
Submitted by eden2029 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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