retirement age should be raised? Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Generally, nowadays, the government considers forming a new law that allows increasing the legal
age
of retirement, from my
perspective I
Accept comma addition
perspective, I
entirely disagree with the idea that increasing the plateau level for elderly people to work over a specific
age
for several reasons and examples will be discussed in the following essay. Exhaustively, there are some explanations for why I dramatically refuse the previous assumption. In causality, as an initial witness, if the
country institutions
Accept comma addition
country, institutions
allow raising the current
age
for those who are already ended their job requirements,
this
will negatively affect the local economy because it prevents any
further
opportunities for newly graduated student to get employed as far as they can.
For instance
, many unemployed mature will start to consume the additional savings of the government salary without doing any benefit. Thence, in the long term,
futuristically
may have an unpleasant results on both youth and sensible, especially those who are above 60 years of
age
;
also
, the plethora of working hours lead to rising the physical and mental efforts that exceed the standard limit for retirement. Eventually, there is a high percentage to expose
themself
reflexive form of "them"
themselves
and other customers for extreme harm, either it was paperwork or any outdoor job.
Furthermore
, objectively, the main reason for
rising
increasing in quantity or value
raising
the work
age
limit is for high wage they receive side by side the qualities, what never goes without highlighting, namely, get a new villa and vehicle, recently, in the modernized dwellings they offer to any worker who exceed the ultimate peak of stars which could be earned by spending huge period for multitude years.
Hence
,
big-wig
the most important person in a group or undertaking
bigwig
managers are trying to get over the general slakes for their interests to gather more and more money that could be earned for any extra time they could have it on the power chair.
Finally
,
although
there is a little benefit from
risin
increasing in quantity or value
raising
g retirement
age
, it is still more unacceptable for humankind to slake; hopefully, in the future governmental authorities could establish a modified law that could be approval you think the
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    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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