Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people believe that
television
Use synonyms
advertising directed towards young children should be allowed. They think that if young children watch advertisements,
this
Linking Words
will support many products and allow kids to be aware of the outside world.
Linking Words
However I
Accept comma addition
However, I
disagree with
this
Linking Words
opinion.I think that
television
Use synonyms
advertising towards young children should not be allowed. The basis of my opinion
are
Suggestion
is
financial and medical. Financially,
television
Use synonyms
advertising towards young children will introduce them to so many products like toys, candies and fast food.
Also
Linking Words
the young children do not have the mental ability to figure out whether these products are suitable for them or not. So every
time
Use synonyms
children will see these products in store they will insist on buying them and will give their parents a hard
time
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Subsequently most
Accept comma addition
Subsequently, most
parents are not financially able to buy their kids everything they want, and even if they can afford it, kids will be very spoiled.
This
Linking Words
will raise a new generation of irresponsible and selfish kids that only think about themselves and do not think about money.
Linking Words
Consequently
Accept comma addition
Consequently, television
television
Use synonyms
advertising for young kids will not add any benefit to them, it will only hurt them now and in the future as well
.
Accept space
.
Medically,
television
Use synonyms
advertising towards young kids will affect them medically as well.
Linking Words
Additionally advertisements
Accept comma addition
Additionally, advertisements
are formed to work so fast, with thousands of pictures that are played in a very short
time
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
fas flip of picture affects the young children’s eyes, makes it weakens and after a while they will have to wear glasses.
Linking Words
Moreover
Accept comma addition
Moreover, this
this
Linking Words
fast flip of pictures
also
Linking Words
affects their brains. Their young brains are not mature enough to manage all
this
Linking Words
information in a very short
time
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, it will make their brain exhausted and will not be able to perform normally.
This
Linking Words
might put the kids in the danger of autism, it might pull them to the autistic
zone which
Accept comma addition
zone, which
is very dangerous and does not have easy cure.
Therefore
Linking Words
, It is crystal clear that the advertisements are very dangerous for the kids
medically
Suggestion
medicated
.
As a result
Linking Words
, for the reasons I stated above, I encourage all the governments not to allow advertisements directed towards young children. If they do so, they will find for themselves the benefits the young children will get financially and medically.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • globalized world
  • competitive education system
  • social media influences
  • cyberbullying
  • commercial pressures
  • aggressive marketing
  • materialistic desires
  • peer pressure
  • high expectations
  • standardized testing
  • quantifiable performance
  • stress and anxiety
  • extracurricular achievements
What to do next:
Look at other essays: