Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

#children #pressures #perspectives #measures

Many people believe that

television

advertising directed towards young children should be allowed. They think that if young children watch advertisements,

this

will support many products and allow kids to be aware of the outside world.

However I

Accept comma addition

However, I

disagree with

this

opinion.I think that

television

advertising towards young children should not be allowed. The basis of my opinion

are

Suggestion

financial and medical. Financially,

television

advertising towards young children will introduce them to so many products like toys, candies and fast food.

Also

the young children do not have the mental ability to figure out whether these products are suitable for them or not. So every

time

children will see these products in store they will insist on buying them and will give their parents a hard

time

Subsequently most

Accept comma addition

Subsequently, most

parents are not financially able to buy their kids everything they want, and even if they can afford it, kids will be very spoiled.

This

will raise a new generation of irresponsible and selfish kids that only think about themselves and do not think about money.

Consequently

Accept comma addition

Consequently, television

television

advertising for young kids will not add any benefit to them, it will only hurt them now and in the future as well

Accept space

Medically,

television

advertising towards young kids will affect them medically as well.

Additionally advertisements

Accept comma addition

Additionally, advertisements

are formed to work so fast, with thousands of pictures that are played in a very short

time

Furthermore

this

fas flip of picture affects the young children’s eyes, makes it weakens and after a while they will have to wear glasses.

Moreover

Accept comma addition

Moreover, this

this

fast flip of pictures

also

affects their brains. Their young brains are not mature enough to manage all

this

information in a very short

time

In addition

, it will make their brain exhausted and will not be able to perform normally.

This

might put the kids in the danger of autism, it might pull them to the autistic

zone which

Accept comma addition

zone, which

is very dangerous and does not have easy cure.

Therefore

, It is crystal clear that the advertisements are very dangerous for the kids

medically

Suggestion

medicated

As a result

, for the reasons I stated above, I encourage all the governments not to allow advertisements directed towards young children. If they do so, they will find for themselves the benefits the young children will get financially and medically.

Thu Feb 13 2020

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

384 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

academic pressure
globalized world
competitive education system
social media influences
cyberbullying
commercial pressures
aggressive marketing
materialistic desires
peer pressure
high expectations
standardized testing
quantifiable performance
stress and anxiety
extracurricular achievements

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
People who buy friendly vehicles like electric cars should receive a subsidy on tax. This will discourage people from buying polluting cars and thus lower emissions. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?
Nowadays carbon emissions are on the increase. Some believe that goverments should provide subsidy for non pollution vehicles such as electric cars to encourage people but . I totally agree with the given statement as there is ample reasons present to substantiate it.
5.5
band
Many people these days choose to start their own business. Why do you think they choose to set up their own business? Do you think this is a negative development?
Nowadays, plenty of people prefer having their own businesses. In my opinion, this is because they want to earn more money and have freedom, and certainly this is a positive development.
<4
band
'Because of advancements in transportation and communication technologies, people can now live and work anywhere they want in many different nations.' Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?
Invention of technology and transportation it is more advantage then disadvantage. Technology made human life easier then before. Technology become our part of life. As now days we can not imagine life without transportation. Being used technology there are lots of benefit in daily schedule. Now people can work any where as he or she want. New technology boost human life style. we can communicate any time anywhere all over world being used if technology.it is helpful student in their study or any kind of project.on the other hand transport make easier to one place to another place with in quickly. Before it had took longer time to travel but now easier and safe.
6
band
Many people believe working from home is better than going to an office. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many people prefer working from their house or apartment instead of an office . I totally agree that it is better to workk from home because it save time and increase productivity.
7
band
Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The question of whether knowledgeable people have to work in their training country is widely debated, with some people claiming that they should be free to choose their workplace. There are valid arguments on both sides, which I will discuss further.

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

People who buy friendly vehicles like electric cars should receive a subsidy on tax. This will discourage people from buying polluting cars and thus lower emissions. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

Many people these days choose to start their own business. Why do you think they choose to set up their own business? Do you think this is a negative development?

'Because of advancements in transportation and communication technologies, people can now live and work anywhere they want in many different nations.' Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

Many people believe working from home is better than going to an office. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.