IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that Zoo's are all cruel and should be closed down. Others, however believe that zoo can be useful in protecting wild animals. discuss both views and give your opinion.

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One of the most controversial issues today relates to protecting wild
animals
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. Some individuals believe that we should close all
Zoos
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 in the world,
while
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 others think that
zoos
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 are beneficial to the
animals
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. In
this
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 essay, I am going to examine
this
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 question from both points of view, and I will give my opinion
at the end
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 of the essay. On one side of the argument, there are people who
to
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apply
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argue that the benefits of
zoos
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 considerably outweigh their disadvantages. The main reason for believing
this
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 is that people have
responsibility
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a responsibility
the responsibility
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 to protect the species on
this
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 planet, as every animal has its role in ecosystem balance,
moreover
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, having a
zoo
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 is the only way to protect some extinct species. One good illustration of
this
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 is the Safari
Zoo
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 located in Indonesia contains a lot of endangered
animals
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, and they were able to protect these species.
On the other hand
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, it is
also
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 possible to make an opposing case. It is often argued that in fact,
zoos
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 are harmful to
animals
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. people often have
this
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 opinion because some
animals
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 suffer cruelty at the hands of
zoo
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 keepers or visitors,
as well as
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 it is looked up in small cages that do not constrain their real nature.
for example
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, whine I went to the
Brids
Correct your spelling
Birds
Zoo
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 in my country, I saw some children throw popcorn at some kind of bird which as far as I know is not suitable for them. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question, on balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that we need to have
zoos
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 to protect all kinds of
animals
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 but, in order to prevent some unpleasant
behaviors
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behaviours
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, a harsh punishment should be taken.

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by using clearer transitional phrases between points and arguments. This will make the progression of ideas smoother.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This would help to illustrate your points more effectively and strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame the discussion of both viewpoints.
task achievement
The main points for each viewpoint are distinctly presented, allowing the reader to understand both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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