IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

the first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. the second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

the first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. the second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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The pie charts illustrate the average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
 use and
consequently
Linking Words
 its greenhouse gas emission in an Australian household.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are six different typologies, namely heating, cooling, lighting and other appliances.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 heating and water heating are the most
wastings
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
energy
Use synonyms
, with 42 per cent and 30 per cent respectively.
However
Linking Words
, heating results less harmful
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
greenhouse
Correct quantifier usage
less greenhouse
show examples
 gas emissions, with only 15% compared to 32% of water heating.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
third
Linking Words
-largest method of using
energy
Use synonyms
 is the other appliances with a percentage of 15%
while
Linking Words
 its air pollution effect is almost doubled at 28%.
Finally
Linking Words
, the remaining three features, namely refrigeration, cooling and lighting represent together just under a quarter of the totalò of
energy
Use synonyms
 use, more precisely 14%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, refrigeration alone reaches a percentage of co2 emission of 14%
while
Linking Words
 cooling and lighting have a proportion of 3% and 8% respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • categorizes
  • constitutes
  • portion
  • substantial majority
  • energy efficiency
  • potentially
  • contributors
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • noticeable shift
  • proportion
  • relative contribution
  • disproportionate emissions
  • environmental impact
  • inefficiencies
  • highlight
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