IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
Why
music
 has the ability to t
ranscends
Suggestion
transcend
cultures and age groups? It is known that
music
 has appeared way earlier than human language. At
first
,
music
 comes from nature. The rhythm of the nature sound shows the beauty of
music
 and has a huge impact on a human's mind and health.
Then
 different areas come to different cultures, and
music
 is a significant part of every culture. Even if we do not understand words, we can still enjoy l
istening the beat
Suggestion
listening to the beat
and rhythm of a song. With note and beat, we can create
music
 that shows sadness or happiness. People from different countries and age groups can share s
ame passion
Suggestion
the same passion
to some
music
. In history, the g
overner
the head of a state government
governor
governors
used
music
 to unite soldier or use the enemy's local
music
 to cause homesick and win the war. How
music
 connects people? We are in a globalization era, and how
music
 connects the world is obvious. We can share our
music
 playlist t
o
Suggestion
with
an online friend and there will be a group of people have the same taste as you despite their age or culture. I once posted a personal song on a
music
 app and it received many compliments from strangers. From
this
 experience, I made a friend from the USA who is way older than me.
Although
 we haven't met each other, we have almost the same taste in
music
. Actually, a song which we want to create together is on schedule. In conclusion,
music
 surely helped lots of people to make friends and resolve contradictions with an old friend.
Music
 has brought us lots of joy and comfort. Even we are strangers, but with
this
 fabulous
music
 and rhythm, shall we have a dance？
Submitted by gottaegbert on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: