IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

As water is valuable resource, governments all over the world should control how much water their citizens use. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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The increasing problems of
water
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 scarcity around the world would make it essential for
governments
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 to regulate the individual use of
water
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. I partially agree with
this
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 view, for an equal distribution of
water
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 should be made to ensure their safety regardless of the fact that each person needs a different amount of
water
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, making it unnecessary for the authorities to intervene. On the one hand,
governments
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 should take control of
water
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 so they can ensure that
water
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 is provided fairly to individuals.
In other words
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, the authorities should mediate the provision of
water
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, which has become more valuable as many
people
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 suffer from its shortage caused by a number of factors
such
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 as extensive drought and a population rise in modern society.
For instance
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, about one-third of the population in Africa will be unable to access drinking
water
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 in 2023, which has led to increasing risks of health disease and mortality rates of infants as their mothers are not able to produce enough breast milk.
Therefore
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, the
governments
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' roles are regarded as crucial to ensure their safety no matter where they reside before
such
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 unfortunate events prevail in various parts of the world.
On the other hand
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, the regulation from the
governments
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 is not necessary as the proportion of
water
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 that
people
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 need each day differs greatly. Indeed, it is not fair for some farmers that the same amount of
water
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 is provided to them as other
people
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 when they are more heavily dependent on it in producing agricultural products.
Furthermore
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, the distribution of
water
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 without considering individual situations can cause various problems from the severe shortage of harvests to the lack of medical supplies.
In contrast
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, an incredible proportion of
water
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 may be wasted as some
people
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 do not need as much
water
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 as others. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that
water
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 should be controlled by the
governments
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 so an equal amount of
water
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 is delivered to each person, which will promote his or her health in spite of their location of birth.
However
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, the authorities should take individual needs into serious consideration so they can make sure that it is provided to those who need the most.

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task achievement
You effectively addressed the topic and provided a clear stance, which is commendable. To strengthen your argument, you could elaborate more on specific examples or statistics to support your points in depth.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure, with clear introduction and conclusion sections. To enhance coherence, consider using more linking words or phrases to ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented and contribute well to the overall structure.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples, particularly the situation in Africa, which helps support your argument.
task achievement
Your main points were clear and comprehensive, making your argument easy to follow.
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