IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

As water is valuable resource, governments all over the world should control how much water their citizens use. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#water #resource #governments #world #control #citizens
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The increasing problems of
water
Use synonyms
 scarcity around the world would make it essential for
governments
Use synonyms
 to regulate the individual use of
water
Use synonyms
. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, for an equal distribution of
water
Use synonyms
 should be made to ensure their safety regardless of the fact that each person needs a different amount of
water
Use synonyms
, making it unnecessary for the authorities to intervene. On the one hand,
governments
Use synonyms
 should take control of
water
Use synonyms
 so they can ensure that
water
Use synonyms
 is provided fairly to individuals.
In other words
Linking Words
, the authorities should mediate the provision of
water
Use synonyms
, which has become more valuable as many
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from its shortage caused by a number of factors
such
Linking Words
 as extensive drought and a population rise in modern society.
For instance
Linking Words
, about one-third of the population in Africa will be unable to access drinking
water
Use synonyms
 in 2023, which has led to increasing risks of health disease and mortality rates of infants as their mothers are not able to produce enough breast milk.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
governments
Use synonyms
' roles are regarded as crucial to ensure their safety no matter where they reside before
such
Linking Words
 unfortunate events prevail in various parts of the world.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the regulation from the
governments
Use synonyms
 is not necessary as the proportion of
water
Use synonyms
 that
people
Use synonyms
 need each day differs greatly. Indeed, it is not fair for some farmers that the same amount of
water
Use synonyms
 is provided to them as other
people
Use synonyms
 when they are more heavily dependent on it in producing agricultural products.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the distribution of
water
Use synonyms
 without considering individual situations can cause various problems from the severe shortage of harvests to the lack of medical supplies.
In contrast
Linking Words
, an incredible proportion of
water
Use synonyms
 may be wasted as some
people
Use synonyms
 do not need as much
water
Use synonyms
 as others. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that
water
Use synonyms
 should be controlled by the
governments
Use synonyms
 so an equal amount of
water
Use synonyms
 is delivered to each person, which will promote his or her health in spite of their location of birth.
However
Linking Words
, the authorities should take individual needs into serious consideration so they can make sure that it is provided to those who need the most.
Submitted by mizuho on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You effectively addressed the topic and provided a clear stance, which is commendable. To strengthen your argument, you could elaborate more on specific examples or statistics to support your points in depth.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure, with clear introduction and conclusion sections. To enhance coherence, consider using more linking words or phrases to ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented and contribute well to the overall structure.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples, particularly the situation in Africa, which helps support your argument.
task achievement
Your main points were clear and comprehensive, making your argument easy to follow.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: