Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
In the modern world, where television advertisements have become widely used among companies, some people believe that marketing towards young children has a negative effect. I fully agree with the given statement and suppose that
this
action of advertisements targeting young ones should be banned.
Firstly
, it gives
disappointment towards children. Through experiencing colourful and decorative Verb problem
causes
commercials
, kids would easily be tempted and want to buy the product. However
, even if the kids ask their parents to buy them, they wouldn’t allow as
they know how exaggerated and fake Correct pronoun usage
it as
commercials
are. Through this
process, youngsters would feel disappointed towards their parents. The reason why such
feelings are bad is because once the kids lose faith, it will result in broken relationships which are very hard to improve at later stages. Moreover
, the whole situation can simply be stopped if these commercials
aren’t produced in the first place. For instance
, my friend has a bad relationship between
his mum and dad, and the reason is Change preposition
with
because
when he was young, his dad didn’t buy him a toy he liked. People might think that their connection has been just too weak, but my friend stated that his belief in Replace the word
that
dad
slowly started to disappear, and later did not want anything from him. Capitalize word
Dad
Therefore
, even little commercials
can give
damage Verb problem
apply
to
children who have Change preposition
apply
a
naive Correct article usage
apply
heart
, causing the brittle bond to break.
Fix the agreement mistake
hearts
Furthermore
, persuasive advertisements provide a higher chance of excessive consumption. There are some people who buy everything for their child just because they want it. But, these items would differ with every channel, and if a child had possessed everything they wanted since a very young age, they wouldn’t know how to save and what kind of products are not worth buying, since they have the routine of buying whatever they want. As a result
, they would spend their money for
even meaningless objects. Change preposition
on
For example
, even in dramas commonly shown, there are spoilt brats where
Correct word choice
who
they
have no plans Correct pronoun usage
apply
on
saving money, but Change preposition
of
using
it Wrong verb form
use
in
worthless things. These characters, Change preposition
for
at
the end mostly fail when their family dies, as they don’t know how to earn or save money. Change preposition
in
Hence
, these bad customs should be controlled from childhood, as old habits die hard.
To conclude
, due to
these two reasons of excessive consumption and chance
of poor kinship, I strongly assume that Add an article
the chance
a chance
advertisement
aimed towards babies should be banned.Fix the agreement mistake
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task response
The essay provides a clear and complete response to the question. The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively state the position. There is a good use of relevant and specific examples to support the argument. Minor improvements can be made in the logical structure of the essay and in maintaining coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there are some instances where the logical flow could be improved to enhance coherence. Additionally, cohesive devices can be used more effectively to improve the overall cohesion of the essay.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.