Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
In the modern world, where television advertisements have become widely used among companies, some people believe that marketing towards young children has a negative effect. I fully agree with the given statement and suppose that
this
action of advertisements targeting young ones should be banned.
Linking Words
Firstly
, it Linking Words
gives
disappointment towards children. Through experiencing colourful and decorative Verb problem
causes
commercials
, kids would easily be tempted and want to buy the product. Use synonyms
However
, even if the kids ask their parents to buy them, they wouldn’t allow Linking Words
as
they know how exaggerated and fake Correct pronoun usage
it as
commercials
are. Through Use synonyms
this
process, youngsters would feel disappointed towards their parents. The reason why Linking Words
such
feelings are bad is because once the kids lose faith, it will result in broken relationships which are very hard to improve at later stages. Linking Words
Moreover
, the whole situation can simply be stopped if these Linking Words
commercials
aren’t produced in the first place. Use synonyms
For instance
, my friend has a bad relationship Linking Words
between
his mum and dad, and the reason is Change preposition
with
because
when he was young, his dad didn’t buy him a toy he liked. People might think that their connection has been just too weak, but my friend stated that his belief in Replace the word
that
dad
slowly started to disappear, and later did not want anything from him. Capitalize word
Dad
Therefore
, even little Linking Words
commercials
can Use synonyms
give
damage Verb problem
apply
to
children who have Change preposition
apply
a
naive Correct article usage
apply
heart
, causing the brittle bond to break.
Fix the agreement mistake
hearts
Furthermore
, persuasive advertisements provide a higher chance of excessive consumption. There are some people who buy everything for their child just because they want it. But, these items would differ with every channel, and if a child had possessed everything they wanted since a very young age, they wouldn’t know how to save and what kind of products are not worth buying, since they have the routine of buying whatever they want. Linking Words
As a result
, they would spend their money Linking Words
for
even meaningless objects. Change preposition
on
For example
, even in dramas commonly shown, there are spoilt brats Linking Words
where
Correct word choice
who
they
have no plans Correct pronoun usage
apply
on
saving money, but Change preposition
of
using
it Wrong verb form
use
in
worthless things. These characters, Change preposition
for
Linking Words
at
the end mostly fail when their family dies, as they don’t know how to earn or save money. Change preposition
in
Hence
, these bad customs should be controlled from childhood, as old habits die hard.
Linking Words
To conclude
, Linking Words
due to
these two reasons of excessive consumption and Linking Words
chance
of poor kinship, I strongly assume that Add an article
the chance
a chance
advertisement
aimed towards babies should be banned.Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
The essay provides a clear and complete response to the question. The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively state the position. There is a good use of relevant and specific examples to support the argument. Minor improvements can be made in the logical structure of the essay and in maintaining coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there are some instances where the logical flow could be improved to enhance coherence. Additionally, cohesive devices can be used more effectively to improve the overall cohesion of the essay.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.