Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #happiness #factors #influence

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Happiness

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means different things to different people.

Although

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many people believe that every

person

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has their own responsibilities regarding

happiness

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, I believe that external factors making us feel happy are more influential. On the one hand, the majority of people believe that satisfaction should generally be considered the responsibility of every

person

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. Their views are that

happiness

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depends on a

person

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's state of mind and heart.

This

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is mainly because If people have positive attitudes on various aspects, they are more likely to be satisfied during their daily life. Having

this

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is generally due to do regular physical activities affecting positively on people's mental.

For example

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, when some people do yoga exercises,

this

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improves their minds helping them in having a good sense of pleasure. In my opinion,

although

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this

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might make people feel happy, other factors would be more impactful.

On the other hand

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, I believe that there can be found a wide variety of significant external factors in terms of making people feel satisfied.

Firstly

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, considering economic condition, many individuals see money as a source of

happiness

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because they enjoy supplying their needs and buying things making them feel pleasure. Take my brother who is a wealthy

person

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as an example; he believes that purchasing new brands of

smartphone

Suggestion

smart phone

is really enjoyable and satisfactory.

Secondly

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, some individuals find

happiness

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in having a harmonious atmosphere with their families and friends.

This

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is mainly because spending time with them would make their

feelings positive

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feelings, positive

since they can get advice or help with each other. To conclude,

although

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people have different views about whether or

not every

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not, every

person

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should take responsibility for their pleasure, I personally believe that external aspects, including financial status as well as having a good relationship with families and friends play a crucial role in making a

person

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happy. #writing_correction25

Submitted by alimohamadi.vahid1369 on Sun Feb 16 2020

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

303 words

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Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

some people think that social media sites have a huge negative effect on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Famous sportsmen earn a lot more money than those in other professions. Although sport is important in our lives, everyone should be equal and such big incomes of sport professionals are unjustified. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Everyone should adopt a vegetarian diet because eating meat can cause serious health problems. Do you agree or disagree?

Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearance of their pupils, while other schools have a very relaxed dress code. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children of having a school uniform?