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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport.

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport.
#trips #children #country #travel #school #modes #transport
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The graph reflects on how
children
Use synonyms
 made their way to and from
school
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 using different transportation methods comparing two years, 1990 and 2010. Back in 1990, using
car
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the car
a car
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 for
school
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 transportation was not very common among
children
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 between the ages of 5 and 12,
instead
Linking Words
, the most used method was walking with a total
number
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 of around 12
million
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students
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only 6
million
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 preferred walking in 2010
,
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apply
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 and diverted to being car passengers with the
number
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 peaking at approximately 11
million
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children
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, both years 1990 and 2010 show that
similar
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a similar
the similar
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number
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 of
students
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 considered buses to reach
to
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apply
show examples
school
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 and back home.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, cycling was much more popular in 1990
that
Correct word choice
than
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 it was a decade later. Only 2
million
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students
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 reported cycling to
school
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 in 1990
whereas
Linking Words
 the
number
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triples
Wrong verb form
tripled
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 in 2010.
In addition
Linking Words
, some
students
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 combined walking and taking a bus to transport in both years.
Overall
Linking Words
, walking was popular among
children
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 as a method of transportation in 1990
as well as
Linking Words
 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, school, number, million, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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