IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#inventions #computer #television #people #activity #effect #health
It is irrefutable that digital technologies have completely changed our lifestyles. While it has been advantageous in many aspects, these transitions
also
 have some perilous effects
such
 as on human
health
.
Hence
, I completely agree with the argument that the invention of computer and television devices are responsible for less physical activities of the people, and
consequently
 their degrading
health
. The preferences of people have gradually changed with time. Juveniles prefer playing video games rather that doing some physical activity.
As a result
, they are turning into couch potatoes and growing unhealthy. Owing to no physical activity involved in their regular schedule, fat gets collected in their bodies which make them obese, lazy and lethargic. A recent research held in New York testified that the percentage of obese children have gone up by 46% in the
last
 two decades. By the same token, physical games and activities
also
 helps in growing the intellectual level of a child. It teaches them basic lessons and
also
 make them ready to think wisely in an adverse situation.
Therefore
 , skipping
such
 outdoor activities for indoor digital games
also
 detrimentally affects the mental
health
 as well. It makes a child dumb and many games
such
 as Pupg and Vice city
also
 teach violence which has a detrimental effect on his thought process. In conclusion, electronic items have atrocious effects on the
health
 of a person as people get engrossed in it and avoid physical exercises and games. They
also
 have a rotten effect on the mental
health
 and growth of the children.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: