The bar chart illustrates the number of male employees hired for senior development position in three companies ( IBM, Microsoft, and Apple) from 1980 to 2010.

#bar #employees #development #position #three #companies #ibm #microsoft #apple

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Overall

, the percentage of male employees hired for

this

position

in all companies had

present

Replace the word

presented

show examples

an upward trend.

Change the preposition

show examples

the end,

IBM

had the largest portion of senior development positions filled by males and

Apple

had the least one. In the first 15 years,

Apple

hired the largest amount of male employees for the

position

, around 15%. It was

near

Change the word

nearly

show examples

8 times

Change preposition

apply

show examples

that of IBMI with

near

Change the word

nearly

show examples

2% in 1985 and 1990 respectively.

Then

IBM

dramatically increased hiring males in 1990, close to

Apple

and Microsoft,

around

Change preposition

by around

show examples

12% individually. After 1990,

although

all three companies hired more male staff for

this

position

IBM

had the highest speed, with

near

Change the word

nearly

show examples

25% in 1990 and above 60% in 2010. There was close to three times increase. Microsoft

also

presented

similar

Correct article usage

a similar

show examples

speed as that of

IBM

, with 10% in 1990 and over 40% in 2010.

However

Apple

had

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

hired

least

Correct article usage

the least

show examples

males for

this

position

comparing

Change the form of the verb

compared

show examples

with

other

Correct article usage

the other

show examples

two, with a slight drop in 2000 to below 20% and

then

rose

Wrong verb form

rising

show examples

to 25% in 2010.

Submitted by busybee1693 on Wed Feb 19 2020

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words position, ibm, apple with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

173 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

bar chart
senior development positions
hired
decade
trend
peak
fluctuation
plateau
incremental
surge
decline
diversity
workforce
comparative analysis
corporate strategy
industry standard
gender gap
representation
demographics
human resources
career progression
vertical growth
talent acquisition

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The bar chart illustrates the number of male employees hired for senior development position in three companies ( IBM, Microsoft, and Apple) from 1980 to 2010.

Today, more and more people want things instantly (e.g: goods, service, news). Why is this? Is it a positive or negatibe development?

ou are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. In your letter: - introduce yourself - explain what sort of job you would like - say what experience and skills you have

Learning English at school is often seen as more important than learning local languages.If these are not taught, many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages and if so, how?

Some people think the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

ou are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. In your letter: - introduce yourself  - explain what sort of job you would like  - say what experience and skills you have