The bar chart illustrates the number of male employees hired for senior development position in three companies ( IBM, Microsoft, and Apple) from 1980 to 2010.

IELTS Writing Task Chart for The bar chart illustrates the number of male employees hired for senior development position in three companies ( IBM, Microsoft, and Apple) from 1980 to 2010.

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Overall

Linking Words

, the percentage of male employees hired for

this

Linking Words

position

Use synonyms

in all companies had

present

Replace the word

presented

show examples

an upward trend.

Linking Words

Change the preposition

show examples

the end,

IBM

Use synonyms

had the largest portion of senior development positions filled by males and

Apple

Use synonyms

had the least one. In the first 15 years,

Apple

Use synonyms

hired the largest amount of male employees for the

position

Use synonyms

, around 15%. It was

near

Change the word

nearly

show examples

8 times

Change preposition

apply

show examples

that of IBMI with

near

Change the word

nearly

show examples

2% in 1985 and 1990 respectively.

Then

Linking Words

IBM

Use synonyms

dramatically increased hiring males in 1990, close to

Apple

Use synonyms

and Microsoft,

around

Change preposition

by around

show examples

12% individually. After 1990,

although

Linking Words

all three companies hired more male staff for

this

Linking Words

position

Use synonyms

IBM

Use synonyms

had the highest speed, with

near

Change the word

nearly

show examples

25% in 1990 and above 60% in 2010. There was close to three times increase. Microsoft

also

Linking Words

presented

similar

Correct article usage

a similar

show examples

speed as that of

IBM

Use synonyms

, with 10% in 1990 and over 40% in 2010.

However

Linking Words

Apple

Use synonyms

had

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

hired

least

Correct article usage

the least

show examples

males for

this

Linking Words

position

Use synonyms

comparing

Change the form of the verb

compared

show examples

with

other

Correct article usage

the other

show examples

two, with a slight drop in 2000 to below 20% and

then

Linking Words

rose

Wrong verb form

rising

show examples

to 25% in 2010.

busybee1693Wed Feb 19 2020

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words position, ibm, apple with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

173 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

bar chart
senior development positions
hired
decade
trend
peak
fluctuation
plateau
incremental
surge
decline
diversity
workforce
comparative analysis
corporate strategy
industry standard
gender gap
representation
demographics
human resources
career progression
vertical growth
talent acquisition

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The bar chart illustrates the number of male employees hired for senior development position in three companies ( IBM, Microsoft, and Apple) from 1980 to 2010.

In some countries,more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in.What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Some people think that school should stop teaching students by using books, because students find them boring and that children can learn from films, TV, video games and computer instead. To what extend do you agree?

Write a letter to a person to have them build a website for your business. In your letter Describe your business Tell them what do you want on the website Specify that you want the use of images on the website

Wild animals have no use in the 21 century and trying to preserve animals now is just wastage of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with question

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.