IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time
Some assert that parents must motivate their children to be a part of the organised extra-curricular activities in their leisure time while others argue that they should be set free to decide what they want to pursue. In my view, being a part of the extra-curricular activities help children to learn and grow in the right direction without having any fear of getting distracted.
To begin
 with, organised group activities allow children to interact with people in their immediate vicinity. They learn the socialising aspect of life where they make new friends and indulge
into
Suggestion
in
 activities like drawing contests, best out of waste competitions, mind bending puzzles and so on. With the help of these activities they learn how to take on competition, work under pressure and to work in a team. They
also
 get familiar with different cultures and religions.
For instance
, numerous families living in a cooperative society hailing from different backgrounds could come together to organize events and competitions in the society itself. Their children could take part in these events and socialise and develop understanding and respect for one another.
Thus
, group activities which are organised effectively facilitate healthy socialising.
Secondly
, it is very crucial to let the child decide for himself what needs to be done in a free space of time.
This
 inculcates a sense of responsibility in them. They
also
 learn to take on new challenges.
However
, there might be a possibility that they are not able to choose the right path in their life. With so much of advancement in technology and with all means
available they
Accept comma addition
available, they
 may start socialising on the internet and playing video games which could detach them from their immediate social circle. To illustrate, a child could get fond of a virtual social circle over the internet and completely forget about the people whom he knows for real and have met in person.
Thus
, children could be given the freedom of thought, but adult supervision is necessary to keep a check that they do not take the wrong path. Conclusively, having considered both the views, I think group activities are much more beneficial for children where they stay in touch with reality of life
instead
 socialising virtually where you never know who is on the other side.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
What to do next:
Look at other essays: