IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise this information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise this information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The first chart shows the amount of
energy
Use synonyms
 consumed by various activities in an Australian household
whereas
Linking Words
 the
second
Linking Words
 chart shows the
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
 resulting from
this
Linking Words
 consumption. An average Australian household uses the highest amount of
energy
Use synonyms
 (42%) for heating
while
Linking Words
 water heating consumes 30% of
energy
Use synonyms
. Refrigeration, lighting and cooling consume 7%, 4% and 2% of
energy
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Thus
Linking Words
 cooling consumes the least amount of
energy
Use synonyms
. Other appliances consume 15% of
energy
Use synonyms
.
Energy
Use synonyms
 consumption leads to
emission
Correct article usage
the emission
show examples
 of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the
second
Linking Words
 chart, refrigeration and lighting emit 14% and 8% of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
although
Linking Words
 they consume only 7% and 4% of
energy
Use synonyms
. Water heating accounts for 32% of the total
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 heating accounts for 15% of the
emissions
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 other appliances used only 15% of the
energy
Use synonyms
 they produced 28% of the total
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
 caused by heating
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 considerably lower than
that
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
caused by refrigeration and lighting.
Submitted by mirel.mora on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "second, thus, whereas, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse, gas, emissions with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Average Australian household
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Energy consumption
  • Activities
  • Heating
  • Cooling
  • Water heating
  • Appliances
  • Lighting
  • Standby
  • Percentage (%)
  • Consumption patterns
  • Efficiency
  • Emissions impact
  • Renewable energy
  • Energy-saving measures
  • Sustainability
  • Carbon footprint
  • Electricity
  • Natural gas
  • Emissions breakdown
  • Energy audit
  • Environmental impact
  • Conservation
  • Mitigation strategies
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