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Band 4.5

Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, it creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#tourism #industry #world #tension #people #cultures
Nowadays the international touristry is getting bigger year by year
due to
people
 are travelling more and more
for having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
 new adventures, to view the history and civilization of different
places
. I disagree on
topic
Correct article usage
the topic
show examples
 that
due to
 international
touristry
Correct your spelling
tourism
show examples
 it creates tension rather than understanding between
people
 from different
cultures
 because when
people
 explore new
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
, they adapt that type
understanding
Change preposition
of understanding
show examples
 of that culture
this
 means that
people
 get unsurprisingly expect the culture.
Firstly
,
due to
 tourism the
people
 who explore new
places
 help
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to understand newer
cultures
, get to know
values
Correct article usage
the values
show examples
 of that region or nation,
know
Correct word choice
and know
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 new communities.
The international
Correct article usage
International
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 travel makes profits for companies,
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 the government or nations can build new infrastructure not only for local
people
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
 for international tourists.
For example
: - young
people
 who are mainly exploring new
places
 internationally not only travel but
also
 for education
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
such
 as students from Asian
people
 are going to the United States of America for higher education
this
 means exploring more tourist
site
Fix the agreement mistake
sites
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 in
this
 nation or region. The second main reason is
people
 get a real experience that
people
 mostly watch in
documentary
Fix the agreement mistake
documentaries
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, television and movies. When
people
 visit
this
 district, they get to experience the atmosphere, feel
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature,
visit
Correct word choice
and visit
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 zoos and historical
places
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
. When someone visits
Correct article usage
a neighborhood
show examples
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
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 like Africa tourist
people
 can
also
 help the government against the animal hunting currently on
rise
Add an article
the rise
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of
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in
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 that zone.
This
 can make other
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
show examples
people
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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get involved in
this
 and create an awareness about some problems. Through
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 we can conclude I disagree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
topic
Correct article usage
the topic
show examples
 that
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
international tourism
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
creates tension rather than understanding between
people
 from different
cultures
,
that
Correct word choice
and that
show examples
 international travel is important to get a greater understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different
cultures
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly present and summarize your main points. Use linking words and transition phrases to improve the flow of your ideas and make the relationship between them clearer.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address the topic question and provide a well-structured response. Develop your ideas further and provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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